Thursday 10 June 2010

Happy New Year! (Part I)

As 2010 has been such a toilet of disappointment so far, I'm cancelling the rest of it and moving straight to 2011. I’ll allow Inception, Scott Pilgrim vs The World and Toy Story 3 in but after that it's strictly elevenses only.

So here are the first five of ten...

Films That Might Not Be Crapples In 2011!

The film of the TV series of the comic book of the radio serial about a masked vigilante and his kung-fu-fighting sidekick, directed by French barmlord Michel Gondry and featuring a spuffingly good cast - Christoph Waltz, Cameron Diaz and Tom Wilkinson to name but a few. Seth Rogen's in it too but you can't have everything.
Very Much Looking Forward To: Danny Elfman’s version of the theme
Best Minor Cast Member Name: Torin Sixx

Simon Pegg, Nick Frost and an alien on a road trip: Easiest pitch ever. It would be lazy to say “Spaced meets District 9”, but I see this as Spaced meets District 9. Stars another cast of supreme beings, including Jason Bateman, Sigourney Weaver and Kristen Wiig. Seth Rogen's in it too but you can't have everything. Also, is this the best credit ever?
Very Much Looking Forward To: Cashing in my shares in Rejuvenique
Best Minor Cast Member Name (apart from Neil Hamburger): Jesse Plemons

The story of a Norse god and arrogant tit banished to Earth for starting a war could be awful if Marvel just use it to trail their superhero mash-up The Avengers (which The Incredible Suit predicts will never happen). And with Kenneth Branagh “lensing”, or “directing” as they used to call it, it sounds crazy but it might just work. At any rate it can’t be any worse than The Incredible Hulk. Can it?
Very Much Looking Forward To: Some hardcore Mjolnir action
Best Minor Cast Member Name: Cliff Gravel

X-Prequel in which we discover what mutant X-Chums Professor X and Magneto had such a colossal X-Strop with each other over. I think the Prof got fed up with Mags wiping all his XXX-Videotapes every time he walked in the room. Original X-Director Bryan Singer dropped out, but was replaced by Kick-Ass Matthew Vaughn, so it might not stink. Again, only has to be better than Wolverine.
Very Much Looking Forward To: A young Jean Grey saying “c***”.
Best Minor Cast Member Name: Only James McAvoy has been cast so he’ll have to do.

Ryan Rodney Reynolds stars as the Vauxhall Conference-level superhero in this tale of a pilot gifted with an infinitely powerful ring (fnerk) and Mark Strong embraces typecasting as the villain. To be honest I’m only interested because it’s directed by Martin 'Casino Royale' Campbell. Pathetic, isn’t it?
Very Much Looking Forward To: How they make the whole ‘all-powerful ring that doesn’t work against anything yellow or wooden’ thing not rubbish.
Best Minor Cast Member Name: Ryan Rodney Reynolds

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  1. Vanessa Milligan10 June 2010 at 18:46

    We used to have a maroon Vauxhall Conference but the boot leaked and ther paint peeled off

  2. Two lovely stories there Vanessa, thanks.

  3. I was so enraptured in Inception, I completely forgot Green Hornet. Thanks for reminding me.

  4. Did you nick the Jean Grey joke from this month's Empire or did they nick it from you??? I love superheroes but geting a bit fed up of slightly half baked stuff coming out. Raimi's Spiderman, Nolan's Batman, Singer's X-men and Superman all brilliant. Some of the Marvel stuff, despite the money and big stars, is very samey and, well, sort of ...alright-ish.
    Time to be a bit more radical, like Black Panther, king of an independently wealthy African nation who keeps pi$$ing of America and the UN. Right on bro!

  5. I wrote the post before Empire came out so it's a case of innocence on both sides.

    Think you're right about the current Marvel crop. I'm dreading the Spidey reboot.

  6. The Green Hornet has been something I've wanted to see since Kevin Smith was director first. Now, I'm really on the fence with this one.

  7. Your 'X Men: First Class' image is a First Class Image!