Thursday, 1 April 2010

Kick-Ass: Quite F***ing Good

The first thing to say about Kick-Ass is that, even if you are f***ing British and a southern f***ing softie, you MUST pronounce it "Kick-Ass" and NOT "Kick-Arse". If you choose the latter pronunciation you just look like a f***ing arse.

That settled, I can tell you that Kick-Ass is a f***ing rare thing: a f***ing good movie released in 2010, officially the worst f***ing year for films, like, for f***ing ever.

It's fun, it's funny, it's f***ing violent and it's got an 11-year-old potty-mouthed girl kicking the f***ing bejesus out of every motherf***er she comes by, and - to add f***ing insult to injury - calling them really f***ing rude names. I think as well as a stunt double she must have had a f***ing swear double to drop all those f***ing f-bombs for her.

In fact Chloe Moretz, as Hit Girl, is the best f***ing thing about Kick-Ass. The rest of the cast are fine - even Nicolas f***ing Cage is watchable, and the McLovin guy sensibly doesn't just do the f***ing McLovin thing all over again - but Moretz is f***ing ace. I did come over a bit Daily f***ing Mail when she was flinging a butterfly knife around, because I'm not entirely sure if it's OK to glamourise knives like that, but maybe I'm just being an old f***er.

Anyway despite some f***ing uncomfortable lurches from comic-book laffs to f***ing brutal beatings and stabbings, and a f***ing terribly directed rescue scene featuring an epilepsy-inducing strobe light, Kick-Ass is the most entertaining f***ing thing I've seen at the cinema this year. Although when its competition for that title is the likes of The F***ing Wolfman and Up In The F***ing Air, that's not much to f***ing shout about.

What Cineworld Enfield Did To Annoy Me This Time
Nothing, because I went to Vue North Finchley, who won bonus points for having no f***ing adverts before the trailers. I did, however, have to listen to a woman behind me say, after watching the f***ing brilliant Scott Pilgrim vs. The World trailer: "I ain't watchin' that shit".

What a c***.

To comment on this post, f*** off


  1. Amusing review and I agree with the verdict, although I enjoyed shutter island more.

  2. Wait a this an April Fool?

  3. If I'd had the wit to come up with an April Fool in time it would have been better than this. I would have said something like "Shia LaBeouf continues to be given work in movies."

    HA HA HA.

  4. You didn't get any adverts because it was a preview. Kick-Ass doesn't officially open til friday. Wait... TODAY.

    I intend to punch my brother next time I see him, because I have been told that he said the "Scott Pilgrim" trailer looked like "Ally McBeal".

  5. Ah, well in that case previews rule.

    Give your brother a kicking from The Incredible Suit too.

  6. What's all this 'not out until the 2nd' business? I saw it in Manchester last Sunday and I'm pretty certain that the North never gets anything of worth before the South.

    The Daily Mail has come over even more Daily Mail than I expected they would:

    My favourite quote about Hit-Girl:
    "Paedophiles are going to adore her".


  7. I think Kick-Ass has been previewed more than any other film. By the time it's been officially released everyone will have seen it.

    That Daily Hate review is absolutely classic. It assumes that the film has the power to turn every human being into a kiddie-fiddling, knife-wielding, potty-mouthed satanist. Still, you've got to laugh haven't you?

  8. Now there's a relationship bound to succeed. Call me cynical if you like.

    Also, panic not because I've deleted all but one of your duplicate comments and also I've removed the apology so you don't look like a total mentalist. The internet can be a cruel mistress at times.

  9. Hi,

    We've browsed through your reviews and thought that they are really original and interesting! We would like to invite you to publish your reviews on, which provides an alternative platform for promising movie reviewers to showcase their talents. In addition, you'll find a growing community of bloggers who share the same passion for excellent movies! Based on the merit of your reviews, we intend to offer you exclusive publishing privileges on our website!

    7tavern Team

  10. f***ing brilliant pra caralho. happy easter suit

  11. Cheers for that Mr Suit. I'm used to looking daft, so looking daft in cyberspace wouldn't be such a big step. I reckon t'internet is a man though, not a woman. Only a male interweb would have so much porn and so few shoe websites and be so sodding stubborn.

    Ta though!

  12. Just ran across your site (forwarded from one of your IMDB posts) I heartily disagree about your review. The rescue strobe light scene is the most f***ing intensive action scene ever! Other than that -- good review. Chloe Moretz was f***ing awesome! And this movie is definitely better than Inception (which was also good with only a few moments of cringe-inducing Leo expressions -- did you miss when he was staring at the top!)

    Sorry, I don't have any of those accounts, so I have to sign: