The first thing to say about Kick-Ass is that, even if you are f***ing British and a southern f***ing softie, you MUST pronounce it "Kick-Ass" and NOT "Kick-Arse". If you choose the latter pronunciation you just look like a f***ing arse.
That settled, I can tell you that Kick-Ass is a f***ing rare thing: a f***ing good movie released in 2010, officially the worst f***ing year for films, like, for f***ing ever.
It's fun, it's funny, it's f***ing violent and it's got an 11-year-old potty-mouthed girl kicking the f***ing bejesus out of every motherf***er she comes by, and - to add f***ing insult to injury - calling them really f***ing rude names. I think as well as a stunt double she must have had a f***ing swear double to drop all those f***ing f-bombs for her.
In fact Chloe Moretz, as Hit Girl, is the best f***ing thing about Kick-Ass. The rest of the cast are fine - even Nicolas f***ing Cage is watchable, and the McLovin guy sensibly doesn't just do the f***ing McLovin thing all over again - but Moretz is f***ing ace. I did come over a bit Daily f***ing Mail when she was flinging a butterfly knife around, because I'm not entirely sure if it's OK to glamourise knives like that, but maybe I'm just being an old f***er.
Anyway despite some f***ing uncomfortable lurches from comic-book laffs to f***ing brutal beatings and stabbings, and a f***ing terribly directed rescue scene featuring an epilepsy-inducing strobe light, Kick-Ass is the most entertaining f***ing thing I've seen at the cinema this year. Although when its competition for that title is the likes of The F***ing Wolfman and Up In The F***ing Air, that's not much to f***ing shout about.
What Cineworld Enfield Did To Annoy Me This Time
Nothing, because I went to Vue North Finchley, who won bonus points for having no f***ing adverts before the trailers. I did, however, have to listen to a woman behind me say, after watching the f***ing brilliant Scott Pilgrim vs. The World trailer: "I ain't watchin' that shit".
What a c***.
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