Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Knight And Day: Just When You Thought It Couldn't Get Worse

I can only imagine that somebody in the 20th Century Fox marketing department is either a massive fan of movie blogs where people like me find things to moan about in crappy marketing efforts, or the Knight And Day campaign is just one titanic joke and it will all turn out to be a hilarious post-modern wheeze concocted by weed-addled sixth-formers as part of their A Level in Ironic Stupidity.

I mean sweet zombie Jesus, will you look at this:

Here's how it appears this poster must have come about:

1. A photograph was taken of two models adopting a ludicrous near-pornographic pose that nobody would ever find themselves in, even if one was an ass-kicking secret agent and the other a double-jointed gymnast with no concept of how to hold a handgun.

2. A mentally impaired llama was told to put on a blindfold and a pair of boxing gloves and photoshop the faces of two of Hollywood's biggest film stars onto the models' heads, but to do it so obviously badly that it looks like a horny badger has tried to have sex with the computer's mouse while it was doing it.

3. After that somebody who's paid more money than you or I could ever dream of decided to add some kind of inexplicable splodge in the background that makes it look like the leading lady has just shat out the entire menu of an Indian restaurant.

Bob's your uncle, a new poster is stillborn.

Given the embarrassingly woeful 'viral' videos on YouTube (here and here, though you have been warned) and the terminally tedious interviews that have already been used to promote Knight And Day, this poster just seems like another sterling attempt to keep potential audiences away. Amazingly, despite all these efforts, I know I'll still be handing over hard-earned cash to see it. I'm masochistic like that.

Anyway, I apologise if your eyeballs have run screaming from their sockets after being raped by that calamity. This might make things a bit better:

Ah, the soothing effect of a nice bit of monochrome Clooney.

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  1. And their names are the wrong way around.

  2. I thought the trailers for Knight and Day looked quite fun, but the rest of the marketing seems to be doing its damnedest to change my mind.

  3. Freud has the instant symbolic analysis. The positions may not be familiar to the Incredible Suit, but those characters in the first poster are at it night and day. She is holding his penetrating weapon and he has his finger on her gentle sensitive trigger and the flames are both a climax and a gun shot.

    There is nothing symbolic about George Clooney. He is the real deal.

  4. Calm down relax. If the Cruise control poster has you discombobulated take some Diazepam.