Thursday, 21 January 2010

Nobody Gives A Winnet

The BAFTA nominations have been announced, how exciting! Also, The Evening Standard Film Awards nominations have been announced, but nobody gives a winnet about those. So let's have a lengthy, exhaustively comprehensive analysis of who should win what, shall we?

Reasons Why The Incredible Suit Hates Movie Awards Ceremonies #2:
Acceptance speeches make me very, very cross indeed

There are so many examples of indescribably, unutterably, unbelievably ghastly award acceptance speeches that it was difficult to choose just one to demonstrate the point. But if you can watch this clip without puking your face off then you’re watching with your eyes shut and cucumbers in your ears.

Incidentally, Halle Berry won this Oscar for Best Actress in March 2002. Let’s examine her career in the few years immediately after this triumphant celebration of her considerable skills as a thespian:

2002 Die Another Day: Ms Berry played one of the worst ever Bond girls in the film that left the franchise in a coma for four years.
2003 X2: Ms Berry played Storm, the most useless of the X-Men in an otherwise excellent film. Wolverine is near-indestructible. Cyclops can blast entire buildings to bits with his eyes. Storm can make drizzle.
2003 Gothika: Ms Berry starred in a film that NOBODY watched. She was so good in it that Robert Downey Jr actually broke her arm during filming.
2004 Catwoman: CATWOMAN. 3.2 out of 10 at the Internet Movie Database.
2005 Robots: Ms Berry voiced a character called ‘Cappy’. It’s an open goal really.
2006 X-Men: The Last Stand: You get the idea by now.

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  1. "storm can only make drizzle"
    - she certainly does on that clip.
    "thank you for making me a vessel"
    - yup.. 'nuff said.
    And the looks on the faces in the cutaways! I have an urge to re-post the clip with think bubbles over people's heads....

  2. * puking my face off *

  3. Funniest awards I ever attended were the "Cable TV awards". Everyone that attended, and I mean everyone, either got a prize for example "best lesbian show host with more than five viewers" or presented a prize. It was like a primary school prize giving day though not so mature.