Back in October, when Shutter Island was originally to be released before being pushed back for unfathomable reasons, I wrote the following paragraph:
And guess what? I was nearly right. It is a psychological / supernatural nuttyfest, it does star Leonardo DiCaprio's big, constipated face and it does have some nipple-twistingly insane camera moves. It is not, however, cracking.
It's entertaining, but it goes on forever and DiCaprio's mush, constantly contorted in apparent sphincter-clenching agony, is in every single scene. Even his own Mum would get fed up of having to look at him for that long. Try staring at this picture for 138 minutes; that's what Shutter Island is like.
Martin Scorsese, the apparently infallible genius who hasn't actually made a great film since Goodfellas (unless you count that wine advert), aims for something a little bit Kubricky and a little bit Hitchcocky here, but ends up falling short of both. It feels a bit like The Shining meets Vertigo, and while (to me at least) that sounds like the most perfect film that could ever exist, Shutter Island is nowhere near as good as either. Its scary bits aren't scary enough, its plot twists too predictable (if you haven't guessed the ending in the first half hour you're a pathetic, hopeless failure) and its final act seems to last as long as most films' total running time.
So what is essentially a standard thriller is livened up no end by Scorsese's kinetic camera, but that's where the magic ends. You can't take a film seriously when it includes an embarassingly cliched use of anagrams or a scene in which a character wastes an entire box of matches trying to see better in an already perfectly well-lit corridor.
Anyway I've gone and done it again; banged on about a film's bad bits and made it sound like I hated it. I didn't hate it. It was just alright, like so many other films. And from Martin Scorsese, that's not good enough.
What Cineworld Enfield Did To Annoy Me This Time
Screen 9 has the noisiest projector in the known universe. It was like having someone waving one of those old wooden clackery rattles people used to take to football games in 'the good old days' for the entire duration of the film. Unbelievable.
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