Alice In Wonderland

So I saw Alice In Wonderland. It was alright.

Here's how I reached that earth shattering verdict:

I liked the plethora, nay the cornucopia, of well-realised, totally mentile characters. HelBo and her spectacularly massive noggin were a joy to behold. Tweedledum and Tweedledee were also great, so well done to Matt Lucas and Matt Lucas. I also liked Mia Wasikowska as Alice, especially in that suit of armour. I don't know why but I found that a surprisingly pleasant sight.

I didn't like The Mad Hatter though. He kept slipping into a Scottish accent for no clear reason except that he's mad, and it got on my wick very quickly. Also, I've said it before but animated characters voiced by famous actors is massively distracting. Alan Rickman and Stephen Fry are Alan Rickman and Stephen Fry, even if they look like a blue caterpillar and a floating cat respectively. And I spent the first half of the film trying to place the mouse's voice, and when I realised it was Barbara Windsor I spent the second half waiting for it to scream "GERRAAAATAMOIPAAAB!!"

The whole film doesn't quite settle down and hang together properly for some reason. I never felt part of that universe and couldn't get emotionally attached to any of the characters (unless they were wearing a suit of armour). As a result I had no interest in the final battle, the outcome of which was foretold in the first 20 minutes by some nondescript prophecy. And where was the Tim Burtony gothic darkness? It used to be that 'A Tim Burton Film' meant massive literal and textual contrasts of light and dark; now it means 'starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter'.

Anyway, none of that was awful, it just meant that it was the very definition of 'alright'.

Some bonus thoughts:

• Alice In Wonderland challenges Avatar for worst and most inappropriate end credits song. How is Avril Lavigne still getting work?
• Renowned crackpot Crispin Glover, in a film full of nutcases and oddballs, is remarkably normal in this. Surprising when you take this into account, which was brought to my attention by The Incredible Suit viewer Adam Barnard:

I'll leave you to gather your jaws up off the floor while I continue to sulk in a corner about how comprehensively average 2010 is turning out to be.

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