The 30-Minute Freeze-Frame Challenge is a futile, inane experiment which judges a film's merits entirely on how good it looks at 30-minute intervals according to arbitrary and indistinct criteria applied by The Incredible Suit. For previous challenges, click the links on the right.
The Incredible Suit viewer Lowrezolushun suggested that David Cronenberg might be a likely candidate for the 30MFFC, and I agreed. After all, your average Cronenberg is so chock-full of inspired grotesquery that it couldn't possibly feature without spuking up a violently detached or mutilated appendage or some bloke's head detonating in an eruption of dog food and rabbit livers.
So I chose my favourite gobbet of fleshy Cronenbergism, The Fly, in the hope that it might put somebody off their lunch by giving us a pickled todger or an inside-out monkey. And what did I get?
0:30:00 Here's Veronica "well it's better than Smith" Quaife, looking all doe-eyed and gorgeous in a blue-backlit '80s kind of way. In this scene she and Jeff Goldblum are having a perm-off. Jeff's winning.
1:00:00 Here's Veronica, erm, closing a door. Haven't seen anything gruesome enough to make me vomit my falafel wrap everywhere yet.
1:30:00 Oh dear. Still, good to know there'll always be work for you on a David Cronenberg film if by some amazing coincidence you share his surname, eh?
The first shot was lovely, very lovely indeed in fact, but you can't submit a picture of a woman shutting a door or a list of names and expect it to meet the rigorous criteria of a 30-Minute Freeze-Frame Challenge Pass.
I think we've learned an important lesson here, apart from the obvious one about the sheer mind-boggling futility of the 30MFFC. And that is, not only is a very long film (The Godfather, for example) likely to fail, but a very short one probably will too. So The Incredible Suit is introducing a new rule:
Keep those suggestions trickling in, I can't be expected to think of ideas myself you know. In the meantime, for those of you hoping for something a bit more, well, Cronenbergy, hold on to your lunch:
The following clip is rated
for graphic scenes of Michael Ironside acting.
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