Tuesday, 9 March 2010
“The Future Of Cinema”, Vue call it. “With 14 massive screens Vue Westfield offers unrivalled choice of films,” their website shrieks. This week they’re showing TWENTY-NINE different films at one point or another, including new release Alice In Wonderland “in stunning 3D [which] has to be seen to be believed and is a truly unique experience that cannot be seen outside of the cinema environment!”
Well, that’s all lovely. But I’d quite like to visit this amazing temple of film to see Alice In Wonderland in 2D, what with 3D being a bit of an annoying gimmick and all and costing an extra £2.80 on top of an already overpriced ticket. They are showing Alice In Wonderland in 2D, right? Surely on one of their 14 massive screens offering unrivalled choice of films they’re screening a brand new movie in good old flatvision, yes?
If you want to see Alice In Wonderland at Vue Westfield you have no choice but to damn well cough up £11.50 and spend two hours having Johnny Depp jamming his fists into your eye sockets and thumping the ‘headache’ button in your cerebral cortex until your brains bleed out of your nostrils and you have to go home weeping into your brain-filled hanky.
The Incredible Suit doesn’t download films illegally, doesn’t buy knocked off DVDs from Chinese street vendors and doesn’t even walk out of one film that's just finished and into another that's just starting without paying, although God knows it’s easy enough to do so. But I have no sympathy with the industry when it bleats about people doing any or all of the above when they’ve got such a cynical and reprehensible attitude towards the cinemagoing public.
You’ll be unsurprised to hear that flushed with victory over my recent rant at Cineworld Enfield I’ve fired off a strongly-worded email to Vue to let them know exactly what I think. I really am that cheesed off / anal.
In the meantime why not take a deep breath, relax and watch this charming 1903 (1903!!) version of Alice, recently put up on the BFI’s completely brilliant YouTube channel? Or go and read the book. Either would be a victory for consumer power.
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