The 30-Minute Freeze-Frame Challenge is a futile, inane experiment which judges a film's merits entirely on how good it looks at 30-minute intervals according to arbitrary and indistinct criteria applied by The Incredible Suit. For previous challenges, click the links on the right.Terry Gilliam, but as he's already had a go at this game by suggesting A Clockwork Orange, I wanted to let some other suggestions in first. Then Andrew Nelson suggested La Jetée, which was also pretty inappropriate because it's only 28 minutes long. A worse candidate for an experiment that requires a film to be at least half an hour in length I struggle to imagine. Furthermore Andrew has also had his bite of the cherry, suggesting last week's North By Northwest.
Anyway to fail to cut a long story short I decided to combine the two suggestions and do Twelve Monkeys, Gilliam's re-imagining of the French short stretched out to feature-length and with added Bonkers Brad Pitt waving his hands about in an over-exaggerated fashion.
Christ that was a tedious introduction. Better put some pictures up sharpish.
0:30:00 Here's Bruce Willis, locked up in a loony bin for crimes against music, ho ho. As if that wasn't annoying enough, Bonkers Brad Pitt is waving his hands about in an over-exaggerated fashion and there's a massive out-of-focus ear blocking his view of the telly.
1:00:00 Here's Madeleine Stowe checking the recently-decommissioned body of her would-be rapist, although in this gloom she could just be sorting through her washing.
1:30:00 Here's Bonkers Brad Pitt waving his hands about in an over-exaggerated fashion for a change. If you haven't seen Twelve Monkeys, a) you should, and b) he does this quite a bit and you really just have to go along with it. He had a lot to prove in those days. Oh and excuse me sir, you're blocking the shot with your big fat back.
2:00:00 Aah look, it's young James, being all cute while watching something so mind-bogglingly terrible that by the time he becomes Bruce Willis his eyes have turned green.
Really only one of these shots is good enough for the 30MFFC; the rest are either obscured by foreground irritations or feature scruffy women in a dodgy back alley. So soz and all Terry Gilliam, you join fellow shamed losers Ridley Scott, Michael Curtiz and Francis Ford Coppola in the Fail bucket. Also I haven't forgiven you for The Brothers Grimm.
Keep those 30MFFC suggestions coming, I've had loads but I can't get access to them all. Try suggesting something I'm likely to have on my shelf will you, and remember they don't have to be classics - any old cackapoopoo could pass the 30MFFC; it's just a matter of luck. That's what makes it so phenomenally pointless.
Worthy mini-documentary to balance out inanity of post:
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