Wednesday, 7 April 2010

The Expendables & The A-Team: No Sissies Allowed

The Expendables

Global testosterone levels were reported to be dangerously depleted over the weekend when it was discovered that almost every last sweaty drop of the stuff had been crammed into the new trailer for The Expendables, Sylvester Stallone's latest attempt to convince the world that he's not some kind of sissy.

In case you couldn't quite make out what Stallone was saying in that trailer, here's a few snippets of his soon-to-be-classic dialogue:

"Rurrrnurrrr Muurrrrrrnnuurr."
"Nnnnmm. Rrrr. Rrrnnnmm."

You'll note the trailer advertises its stars using only their surnames, because that's the manliest way you can possibly do it. After all, Jet, Mickey, Dolph, Steve, Bruce, Randy, Jason, Arnold and Sylvester just sounds like some kind of gay porn cabaret.

The A-Team

And then, summoning the very last reserves of macho juice and piddling them into another two-and-a-half minute clipgasm, came these guys:

"This court is rendering guilty verdicts for this Alpha unit... OR A-TEAM"
"I'm BA... you gonna B unconscious"
"Good morning!"
"It's payback time"

Anyone else think this might work better as a silent film?

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  1. The A-Team will either be the blockbuster of the year with glorious silliness and great fun, or Fox will fuck it up by asking us to take it seriously.
    The Expendables looks like the film of the year. The year 1981. :/

  2. Better get the New Romantic hairdo out again. Great days! (Actually I've no idea. I was 6.)

  3. I;m actually kind of holding out hope for The Expendables. I miss the days of action films were exposions were real and not computer generated effects and when bullet holes were created using squibs and not mattes. Call me old fashioned, but as long as it has likeable characters a story that can get from A to B and some good ol' fashion stuff blowing up, I'm down. As for A-Team, yeah it could be entertaining. I guess we'll see.