Sunday 27 February 2011

Everyone's Excited About The Oscars

It's the Oscars tonight, hooray! And when I say "hooray!" I mean "oh God, the Oscars. How I hate them and everything they stand for." Yet despite my curmudgeonly view of this annual orgy of self-congratulatory pizzle, I shall be attending an Oscar party, if only because it gives me an excuse to wear a bow tie for the first time since the sixth form summer ball. With any luck the evening won't end the same way as that one did, because that would be horrific, painful and socially awkward for everyone involved.

If you'd like to have your enjoyment of Oscar night brought down by the blogging equivalent of Marvin the Paranoid Android, you can do so in a variety of thrilling ways:
  1. Sit next to me all night and listen to my incessant, foul whining. Spaces are limited.
  2. Keep across @IncredibleSuit on Twitter for incessant, foul whines of 140 characters or less. Expect a steady decrease in coherence throughout the night.
  3. Keep an eye on the Picturehouses live video stream, for whom I will be appearing in increasing states of distress (and possibly undress), as the evening progresses. That is if we can get it to work. Expect lots of this:
Of course the one mandatory exercise even the most indifferent observer must undertake is the annual attempt to guess which backs will be slapped the hardest on Oscar night, and inevitably The Incredible Suit is no exception. I hauled my Oscar Predict-O-Matic out of the shed, filled it with high-octane fuel (some of which I set aside to drink just before the Best Documentary Short Award) and fed it a gutful of stats, but I'll save the resulting predictions until later on. Suffice it to say that if The Social Network, David Fincher, Colin Firth and Jennifer Lawrence don't walk away clutching stiff little men then I will have wasted some perfectly good isopropanol and the Predict-O-Matic will be on eBay before Monday lunchtime.

Wish me luck, and don't expect too much from me in the way of articulate analysis of cinema as an art form tomorrow. Or any day in fact.


  1. But I thought The Incredible Suit wore a bow tie at all times. I imagined a suave sophisticated 006 or 008 blogger agent in a beautifuly tailored garment with a crisp starched collar. That image is destroyed. Next you will be revealing that the bow tie is a clip on or elasticated.

    I too am not fond of award shows, but like a rubber necker passing a road crash I do look if I stumble across one. They have some entertaining moments as Rosamund Pike hilariously demonstrated at the BAFTA Awards.

    Good luck. I hope you stay awake and your bow tie does not fall off just as you open your mouth for the first time to yawn or contribute to a discussion or both at once.

  2. I'm glad you are in the same boat of boredom for the Oscars season! I feel obligated to tweet and watch as well. I look forward to vomiting wildly throughout the digital insertion of the hosts when they are flying around during Inception.

  3. I loved seeing the Picture House moment when The Incredible Suit realised that the set was more interesting empty than with him sitting in it. I had just woken up at about 4 am.

    Well that was exciting.

  4. 04:26 Shock Horror!!! Colin Firth wins best actor. Who could have guessed that. Picture House is streaming an empty set. Sofa with a sheet behind on the wall that says Oscarz 2011. Very exciting.

  5. Yuk! It is about 04:45 and I've just seen The Incredible Suit kissing another bloke in an Incredible Suit. Yuk. AND they were trying to sing.

  6. Despite The Incredible Suit's claim not to like the Oscars he has allowed himself to lose all dignity for the sake of a tiny scattering of tinsle town fairy dust thrice removed on the Picture House steaming presentation that could have been just as good as a single JPEG such was its content most of the time.