Thursday, 8 September 2011

The LFF Goody Bag: A Closer Look

Despite all the talk about great movies, delicious pastries and Sandra Hebron's boots at yesterday's London Film Festival press launch, there was only one real topic on everyone's lips as they carelessly tipped the contents of their goody bags out onto the pavement: WHERE IN THE NAME OF BARRY NORMAN IS THE GREEN & BLACK'S CHOCOLATE WE DREAMED OF?

Well the last thing I want to do is sound ungrateful, so rather than harp on about the lack of delicious cocoa-based confectionery (God, I do love Green & Black's chocolate, especially the white chocolate) I thought I'd give you a tour of all the stuff we did get. If you're coming on this LFF journey with me (and you are, whether you like it or not), I want to share the whole experience. So hold my hand and let's take a look inside.

One bag of Love Da Popcorn popcorn
This bag looks like it contains roughly 600-700 kernels of popcorn. I have so far found 37 films I want to see at the festival. I am therefore rationing myself to seventeen kernels per film, and any left over at the end will form part of a celebratory feast. If they're not stale.

One VIP day pass to The Hospital Club
I've never been to The Hospital Club, but now I can and will spend 24 hours there doing, according to the invitation, "anything from a crazy-funny-sexy night of cabaret to an opinion-former discussion on the importance of startups to the creative industries". BRING ON THE OPINION-FORMER DISCUSSION!!!

One BBC London Oyster card wallet
Some people got a little picture of Gaby Roslin and Paul Ross in their wallets. I didn't. I win.

One issue of German Films Quarterly
I haven't had a chance to read this yet but I literally cannot wait to read about Blutzbr├╝daz, Prinzessin Lillifee Und Das Kleine Einhorn and Sing! Inge, Sing! - Der Zerbrochene Traum Der Inge Brandenburg. JA!!

One 55th BFI London Film Festival programme
This is probably my favourite thing, seeing as I didn't get any delicious Green & Black's white chocolate.

One voucher for a free 30 day trial at
Because these things are like gold dust, man. You cannot get a free 30 day trial at for love nor money ANYWHERE, I tell thee.

One massive pile of press releases
This is my least favourite thing. WHAT ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT, ETC?

One peg
Still none the wiser about this. Maybe it's a clue to the identity of the secret screening? Could it be Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol, starring Simon Pegg? Eh? PEGG! EH?


One pen
Just as I was about to chuck this post at the internet like a monkey flinging its poo into an unsuspecting crowd of children, I realised I'd forgotten about the BFI-branded pen, so I had to steal this picture from The Shiznit. For Christ's sake don't tell them, I'll never hear the end of it.

That's it. You can let go of my hand now.


    The clothes peg was your dancing date for the evening. You should have had fun forcing the limbs apart and inserting your fingers. The pegs are really wound up and squeeze back when squeezed.

    How can you have had so little regard for this late coming nipple hugging scrotum clamping springy companion?

  2. OK, OK that was silly. The film festival was not able to wheel out a tent peg production for you, so you just got a peg.

    There, now you know. The sad truth. Straight up.

  3. Always nice to meet another 'odd bendy thumb' person. Also, are you left-handed like myself?

    Disclaimer: No part of this comment is intended to make you self-conscious about your weird thumb.

  4. I think I get my bendy thumb from my Dad. We're a family of freaks.

    I'm not a southpaw. My right hand is doing all the work taking the photos.

  5. Dear Kit_Fisto I'm pleased to learn that you are a sinister person. It puzzles me that on studio TV cameras the shot card holder is always on the left hand side of the camera, while most camera operators are dexter.