Thursday, 9 December 2010

Happy Birthday Grumpy Chops

My Judi Dench Story
Once upon a time I was walking through London's West End when I passed a jeweller's. Inside was a woman who looked exactly like Judi Dench, buying expensive boutique jewellery. I didn't want to stop dead outside the shop and gawp through the window so I kept walking a few paces, turned round and passed the jeweller's again. Yes, it was definitely her. I was so excited and distracted that I walked straight into a substantial bollard that was exactly at testicle height.

I'd like to end the story by telling how Dame Judi came out to see if I was all right and tended delicately to my bruised marbles, but the truth is that she didn't notice and I just looked a bit silly so I went home.

If you have an equally anti-climactic and pointless Judi Dench story, why not learn from my mistake and keep it to yourself?


  1. Why on earth would she be buying costume swarovski crystal? Was it in Butler & Wilson cheepo purveyors to the almost famous? No, it was not her and your story is a load of bollards. Such a regal figure would only shop in Garrard where HRH QE2 gets her diamonds.

    I once got stuck in a lift whose occupants included Vera Lynn. I suggested "Someone should sing us a song." at which point the lift sprung into action and the sweetheart of the WWII troops swept out of the lift without even a glance in my direction. Like you I was crestfallen but had the good fortune not to encounter any bollards.

  2. I had a staring contest in a book shop once with a man who turned out to be Adrian Edmonson. That's all I've got, sorry.

  3. My sister once accidentally intimidated Simon Pegg.

  4. Judi Dench once squeezed past me in a corridor. True Story! She's tiny. It was back stage during Stratford during a college trip. The next day, we saw her again going off to do some shopping. My friend said 'you were really good in the play last night!' and she said 'thank you very much, how kind of you to say so.'

    If anyone can beat THAT for an uninterested Judi Dench-related story, post it here just to spite Mr. Suit.

  5. Sounds like your attempt at being a silent movie comedy on of your heroes! It would be quite funny to see footage, in black and white or said comedic moment!
    I have no stories to compare with yours. I was once too shy to go and get Danny John Jules autograph at a comic convention. There was no queue either, I still feel bad about not going up to him for a chat :( Curse you crippling shyness!!!!

  6. Kakadoo! I obviously meant "one" of your heroes & "of" said comedic moment. Must remember to proof read!