Thursday 11 November 2010

Ten very good reasons why
Napoleon Dynamite is perfect

One of the biggest problems with the world today is that not many people realise that 2004 indie comedy Napoleon Dynamite is one of literally not many perfect films ever made, by which I mean it's up there with 2001, Vertigo and Raiders Of The Lost Ark. If only people could grasp this simple concept I'm confident we'd see an end to global warfare, terminal diseases and kids on buses playing music out loud, so I see it as my duty to the citizens of Earth to explain why it's such a sublime work of art.

1. The title sequence

FACT: Every meal seen in this sequence is eaten by someone at some point in the film. Beat THAT, "Saul Bass".

2. The cinematography
Napoleon Dynamite is almost entirely shot in static takes to make the most of Munn Powell's lazily gorgeous compositions. If rural Idaho is anything like this I'm not surprised everyone who lives there is a fruitcake.

3. The soundtrack
From Bow Wow Wow's I Want Candy to When In Rome's The Promise via John Swihart's crackers synth score, the soundtrack is all killer, no filler; even Jamiroquai's Canned Heat isn't entirely unwelcome. This track isn't on the album, which is a crime against God:

Patrick Street- Music For A Found Harmonium

4. The script
"Do the chickens have large talons?"
"I like your sleeves. They're real big"
"I caught you a delicious bass"

I try and use at least two of these every day. That's why I'm so phenomenally popular at social gatherings.

5. Jon Heder has never been as good
The Benchwarmers, School For Scoundrels and Blades Of Glory may claim to star Jon Heder, but they're just diet versions of Napoleon Dynamite. I think it's because Napoleon's teeth are Heder's own, the poor bastard.
Fortunately he has one of the best fansites on the whole of the internets, which brings a wholly original meaning to the phrase "Official Fan Club".

6. The actors, costume designers and make-up artists do, like, well good acting, costume designing and make-upping
Sadly I don't know anyone like Napoleon, Pedro, Kip or Uncle Rico, but it's a credit to everyone in Napoleon Dynamite that they're completely believable, perfectly realised characters in the film's universe. In fact it's slightly depressing to see that, apart from Jon Heder, all the actors look like normal human beings in real life.

7. The dance
Films with some kind of rousing musical climax - Back To The Future, School Of Rock, Moulin Rouge!, even Dirty Dancing - really get my froth on, and Napoleon Dynamite's "dance" is a painfully liberating expression of friendship, blind self-confidence and absolutely not giving a shit. Sadly it's almost impossible to find on YouTube because it's buried under an avalanche of twats trying to emulate it and completely failing to get the point in the process.

8. The final scene
It's beautiful.

9. They're turning it into a cartoon
This isn't a very good reason why it's perfect but I needed to round it up to ten and it seemed like as good a time as any to mention it. I do hope it's not shittocks.

10. The Incredible Suit
Yes, this is where your favourite movie blog gets its name from. Now please stop asking.

All of which makes it incredibly frustrating that of director Jared Hess' subsequent films, Nacho Libre was complete rubbs and Gentlemen Broncos sunk without trace. The campaign for a sequel starts here!*

*It doesn't.


  1. The perfect writeup for the perfect film. High 5, my brother.

  2. Touch her and you'll regret it. Trust me.

  3. Sweet! But if that is the reason for the name, why is there a cards theme going on?!?

  4. You're wrong
    Napoleon Dynamite is a terrible movie
    Truly terrible

    1. how bout ya go diee

    2. A terrible movie? Well, obviously you just didn't get it, or you're just a putz with zero sense of humor. Please go back to your lifeless Will Smith films.

    3. Do you actually mean that? Why is it terrible?

    4. You just don't get it. It's Real Life in Small Town America....without all the Hollywood glam bullshit.

  5. Jon Heder "Offical Fan Club". Lolification. It's so hot right now (well for one day in Feb 2008).

  6. Agreed. And I never made the "incredible suit" connection!

  7. Apolz everyone, thanks for your comments but I now realise I'm wrong and Napoleon Dynamite is a terrible movie. Truly terrible.

    Silly me!

  8. The time I spent travelling on the top deck of a 237 bus was often made entertaining by the playing of amplified music and singing by the the very kids the Incredible Suit likens to terminal disease. I like diversions and was often impressed by rap lyrics which many could spew out by heart at machine gun speed.

    Global trade and global warfare are more or less the same thing done by different means. The new weapon of war is money. China will not have to fight to rule the world. China will simply buy any country it wants until has bought the world like the winner of a Monopoly Game.

    This is a round about way of saying that the Incredible Suit's high hopes for Napoleon Dynamite are entirely misplaced. If he can't convince the bloke on the top deck of a 237 bus how is he going to convince the other 7060379503 people on Earth? (The figure went up by 300 in the time it took to write it down from world population is almost three times what it was when I was born. Most of the humans born since the stone age are alive today.

  9. That's as maybe, but we still don't know whether or not the chickens have large talons.

  10. I admire your skill as a talent spotter but not as a talon spotter. Birds of prey have talons, birds that can only pray have none. Hence the 800 hens are talonless.

  11. I lost count. It is 8,000 hens that need shaking up a little.

  12. I liked Nacho Libre, sure it's not perfect like Napoleon, but it's an above average comedy in my book. Looking forward to the cartoon, though the chances of it not sucking are probably pretty slim, plus they've waited way too long after the films release.

  13. This really is one of the most perfect movies I've ever seen (hence my Google search "napoleon dynamite is a perfect movie" and finding your page). The fact that the Patrick Street track isn't on the soundtrack album means I will never buy it! It's my favorite music in the movie.

  14. Tina ya fat lard, come get some dinner!

  15. I knew a guy when I was at school who was exactly like Napoleon.
    So close in fact that I read up on the production to find out if anyone I knew at school had worked on the film.
    The movie is a perfect blend of real life and comedy that I watch it at least twice a month... with a slight sense of nostalgia of my own school days.

  16. Napoleon Dynamite is a great movie, but don't know why you disliked Nacho Libre. I thought Nacho Libre was fantastic!

  17. Gentlemen Broncos is outstanding

  18. Napoleon Dynamite is the greatest movie ever made.