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Ten very good reasons why Napoleon Dynamite is perfect

One of the biggest problems with the world today is that not many people realise that 2004 indie comedy Napoleon Dynamite is one of literally not many perfect films ever made, by which I mean it's up there with 2001, Vertigo and Raiders Of The Lost Ark. If only people could grasp this simple concept I'm confident we'd see an end to global warfare, terminal diseases and kids on buses playing music out loud, so I see it as my duty to the citizens of Earth to explain why it's such a sublime work of art.

1. The title sequence

FACT: Every meal seen in this sequence is eaten by someone at some point in the film. Beat THAT, "Saul Bass".

2. The cinematography

Napoleon Dynamite is almost entirely shot in static takes to make the most of Munn Powell's lazily gorgeous compositions. If rural Idaho is anything like this I'm not surprised everyone who lives there is a fruitcake.

3. The soundtrack

From Bow Wow Wow's I Want Candy to When In Rome's The Promise via John Swihart's crackers synth score, the soundtrack is all killer, no filler; even Jamiroquai's Canned Heat isn't entirely unwelcome. This track isn't on the album, which is a crime against God:

Patrick Street- Music For A Found Harmonium

4. The script

"Do the chickens have large talons?"

"I like your sleeves. They're real big"

"I caught you a delicious bass"

I try and use at least two of these every day. That's why I'm so phenomenally popular at social gatherings.

5. Jon Heder has never been as good

The Benchwarmers, School For Scoundrels and Blades Of Glory may claim to star Jon Heder, but they're just diet versions of Napoleon Dynamite. I think it's because Napoleon's teeth are Heder's own, the poor bastard.

Fortunately he has one of the best fansites on the whole of the internets, which brings a wholly original meaning to the phrase "Official Fan Club".

6. The actors, costume designers and make-up artists do, like, well good acting, costume designing and make-upping

Sadly I don't know anyone like Napoleon, Pedro, Kip or Uncle Rico, but it's a credit to everyone in Napoleon Dynamite that they're completely believable, perfectly realised characters in the film's universe. In fact it's slightly depressing to see that, apart from Jon Heder, all the actors look like normal human beings in real life.

7. The dance

Films with some kind of rousing musical climax - Back To The Future, School Of Rock, Moulin Rouge!, even Dirty Dancing - really get my froth on, and Napoleon Dynamite's "dance" is a painfully liberating expression of friendship, blind self-confidence and absolutely not giving a shit. Sadly it's almost impossible to find on YouTube because it's buried under an avalanche of twats trying to emulate it and completely failing to get the point in the process.

8. The final scene

It's beautiful.

9. They're turning it into a cartoon

This isn't a very good reason why it's perfect but I needed to round it up to ten and it seemed like as good a time as any to mention it. I do hope it's not shittocks.

10. The Incredible Suit

Yes, this is where your favourite movie blog gets its name from. Now please stop asking.

All of which makes it incredibly frustrating that of director Jared Hess' subsequent films, Nacho Libre was complete rubbs and Gentlemen Broncos sunk without trace. The campaign for a sequel starts here!*

*It doesn't.

The Best Year For Movies, Like, Ever

Celebrating its sixth birthday this year, it's...

Just thought I'd be positive for a change.

Normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

To pointlessly argue your case for a different year, click here

The Ten Greatest Films Of The 2000s: A Statement Of Fact

The Double-0s (I refuse to call them the noughties; if you don’t know why I’m calling them the Double-0s, you're reading the wrong blog) have produced some cack and no mistake. The Brothers Grimm, Serenity, Marie Antoinette, American Dreamz, Southland Tales, Snakes On A Plane, 10,000 BC… I sob myself to sleep thinking about all those hours forever lost in time, like snot in rain.

On the other, much less despicable hand, there were some movies that quite literally made life worth living. Here are The Incredible Suit’s ten greatest films of the 2000s in chronological order, which is my favourite kind of logical.

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

Between its bookends of careening shots through the streets of turn-of-the-century Paris, Moulin Rouge! is like shoving a lit firework up your bottom and having it explode behind your eyeballs for two hours. Audacious contemporary songs and retina-terrorising production design combine with a beautiful, passionate love story to make the greatest musical, like, ever. Also Nicole Kidman is well fit, innit.

Sympathy For Mr Vengeance (2002)

Two men bent on their own courses of single-minded revenge collide in a bloody, searing and black-as-deathly comic thriller that twists and turns like a slug in salt. Like its follow-up, Oldboy, it’s unflinchingly brutal and as taut as high-tensile razor wire stretched across your peepers. And don’t even try and tell me you saw that ending coming you puckish little fibber.

The School Of Rock (2003)

One of the very few films to feature funny, likeable children, of which Jack Black is the biggest. A perfect combination of comedy and great tunes, building up to a face-melting climax that makes you simultaneously laugh and cry snot bubbles all over your air guitar. And Joan Cusack, as the principal (I think they mean headmistress), is a ladygod amongst ladyfolk.

The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King (2003)

Majestic in so many ways, Peter Jackson’s unbelievable achievement reaches its climax (several of them, in fact) with the most spectacular and affecting film of the trilogy. Gollum, Shelob, The Army Of The Dead, the siege of Minas Tirith: any one of these in any other film would have been impressive. All of them in the same film is astonishing. However, there is no excuse for Annie Lennox’s horrific earhole torture over the credits.

The Incredibles (2004)

Why Pixar keep fannying about with sequels to Toy Story and Cars is beyond me, when The Incredibles has the most jaw-dropping animation, the most thrilling set pieces, the coolest music and the most identifiable characters (despite being super-powered) of any of their films, and features Samuel L Jackson’s greatest ever scene (and that’s saying something), in which he attempts to locate his costume against the wishes of his obstreperous missus.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

It’s not for everyone, but it is for anyone who doesn’t fit in any particular box. The quirkiest, sweetest and frankly best comedy ever, featuring the most unlikely hero and perhaps the most incisive question in movie history: “Do the chickens have large talons?” By the time Napoleon and Deb play swingball at the end my heartstrings were shedding their own tears. The film that, in a vague and uninteresting way, gave The Incredible Suit its name.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith (2005)

My occasional friend Brendan describes it as “a turd on the carcass of a once great franchise”, which is eloquent enough, but then predictably calls it ‘Revenge Of The Shit’. Well screw you Brendan. Opening with the most tremendous space battle since Return Of The Jedi and refusing to let up until the closing scenes, Sith may be divisive but for me concludes the prequel trilogy in an explosion of geekoramic fun.

Batman Begins (2005)

More gripping and emotionally complex than its overlong, overcomplicated sequel, Christopher Nolan gave me everything I wanted from a Batflick without me having to ask. Ferocious fight scenes, a Gotham City risen from Hell itself and a Batman who, if you met him in a dark alley, would actually make you do a poo in your trousers. Also, Michael Caine: Legendary.

Casino Royale (2006)

When I found out they were making Casino Royale I was so excited I wet myself, which was embarrassing but worth it. Martin Campbell and Daniel Craig gave the franchise the fierce kick in the face it needed, and – like Christopher Nolan the year before - delivered the very film this Bondicidal maniac needed to see. Very possibly the best 007 film ever, and I don’t use words like that lightly.

Cloverfield (2008)

Twenty minutes of zippy setup followed by fifty minutes of sheer balls-out action, nerve-shredding tension and sphincter-clenching terror, with special effects being used in exactly the correct way according to a manifesto I’ll get round to writing one day. The Incredible Suit demands a sequel. Bonus: Michael Giacchino’s theme over the end credits is an epic masterpiece.

Agree? Disagree? Couldn’t give a sith? Leave a comment here

The Incredible Suit Said It Would Be OK

If there’s one thing to cherish on this godforsaken rock of misery we call Earth, it’s Napoleon Dynamite, a completely perfect comedy about not very much at all, which came out in 2004 and nuzzled its way into a niche that only a chosen few have been able to access. Everyone else simply believes it to be “stupid”. Idiots! To see the light and elevate yourself above the rest of society, click here.

If there’s one other thing to cherish in this pitiful existence we insist on perpetuating for no adequately explored reason, it’s Flight Of The Conchords, the TV sitcom about New Zealand’s formerly fourth most popular guitar-based digi-bongo acapella-rap-funk-comedy folk duo. If you haven’t seen it stop what you’re doing immediately, run – don’t walk – to the nearest DVD emporium and steal copies of both series. You haven’t got time to pay. If you get arrested just say “The Incredible Suit said it would be OK.” They’ll pretty much leave you alone after that. Then sit down for 11 hours and watch every episode. Alternatively, click here for Conchords-in-a-nutshell grooviness.

Done that? Good. So what could be more lip-smackingly anticipation-inducing than Gentlemen Broncos, a new film by Napoleon Dynamite director Jared Hess, and starring Flight Of The Conchords’ Jemaine Clement, he of the awe-inspiring sideburns and a mouth that looks like two massive pink bananas guarding a cave of unruly tombstones? Not much, that’s what!

OK, so Hess’s last film, Nacho Libre, was bobbins, and Clement’s last film, Eagle vs Shark, lives just - just - on the wrong side of the border between Verygoodland and Notverygoodland. But The Incredible Suit is prepared to regard this evidence as inadmissable, especially on the strength of this trailer:


The important thing to bear in mind about Napoleon Dynamite, Flight Of The Conchords and, by extension, Gentlemen Broncos, is that they’re not guffawfests of bladder-rupturing hilarity. You don’t come away with tears streaming down your chops and a wet patch down your leg. Instead you’ll smile and chuckle all the way through and take the characters into your heart and build a little cosy house for them there where you can pop by any time you like for a cup of tea and a mince pie, and on each visit you’ll find out something new to adore about them. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

Gentlemen Broncos is released in the United States of Must Have Movies Before Everyone Else on October 30th, so expect it to turn up in UK cinemas sometime In The Year 2525. See what I did there? No? Well watch the trailer again, only this time PAY ATTENTION!

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