Tuesday, 23 November 2010


So imagine it's the NINETEEN EIGHTIES and TONY SCOTT has made a MASSIVE DISASTER MOVIE about a RUNAWAY TRAIN carrying TONS of MOLTEN PHENOL whatever that is and it might SMASH into another train full of SCHOOLKIDS and there's an OLD BLACK GUY with THREE WEEKS LEFT at the company and a COCKY YOUNG WHITE DUDE thrown together to STOP THE RUNAWAY TRAIN FULL OF MOLTEN PHENOL and they've both got BROKEN FAMILIES and there's an UNCARING BOSS of the train company and his boss is ON THE GOLF COURSE  and every scene is REPEATED by EXCITABLE NEWS CREWS and another OLD MAN tries to stop the RUNAWAY TRAIN FULL OF MOLTEN PHENOL but he EXPLODES in an UNNECESSARILY GIGANTIC FIREBALL OH MY GOD HOW AMAZING!!!

Now remember that it's actually 2010.

I hate 2010 for making me mock Unstoppable.

Important note: I wrote this review last week, since which time another, more cultured blogger coincidentally posted a very similar review (only with a fancy animated .gif because he is a show off). I was going to change it all but a) there's literally no other way to talk about Unstoppable and b) I couldn't be arsed. So don't even start about how I've plagiarised or I'll come over there and drive a train full of molten phenol through your face.


  1. OMG! This looks like one gigantic science fail! For a start the radioactive sign is upside-down on the poster (far from being radioactive, this sign would indicate that the material is in fact stable, not unstable, so it could be glass, or chalk, or chickens!).
    Molten Phenol?! The Phenol I often use in the lab is molten (well liquid), and other than smelling of germolene and would burn your skin a bit if you spilled it, I don't think it would explode in a fireball!
    More ammunition for my Science on Film blog (not that I need more ammunition). #geekscientistmoment

    1. I suggest that you read the MSDS for molten Phenol. I worked with it for many years for Eastman chemical company and it will kill you by inhaleing, ingesting or exposer and there is no known antidote

  2. Speaking of plagiarism, why haven't any reviewers mentioned the great John Voight / Eric Roberts movie Runaway Train? This just looks like a LOUDER version of that.

  3. It's Runaway Train meets Groundhog Day!

  4. It don't suppose it is better than Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor in the runaway 'Silver Streak' (1976)a superb comedy thriller directed by Arthur Hiller.

  5. Will it be a Phenominal success?

  6. It's Silver Streak meets Groundhog Day meets Phenomenon!

  7. It's Thomas the Tank Engine on Speed meets 12 Monkeys meets Deja Vu meets Groundhog Day...

  8. Geez, Denzil is soooo typecast these days. How many times has he played the just about to retire guy?

  9. I done a review. I didn't rip you off. I did mention Thomas the Tank like that anonymous up there, though. Please don't sue, anon.


  10. I'm happy for you to use it... obvs there will be a fee...

  11. As was pointed out at IMDb, the movie is based on the CSX8888 incident, and sans the added cliches like the overpopulated, good ol' American small town and the gas tanks curiously perched near an already dangerous section of rail, most of the movie is true to the incident.

    It's just that this sort of stuff is what passes for exciting in Ohio. The about-to-retire guy coupled with fresh meat is real. The molten phenol is also taken from the actual incident, although it wouldn't have been as catastrophic a derailment as the movie implied (they did actually attempt to do so, but true to Denzel's character's sage advice the portable derails failed). The old guy trying to stop the train also happened, though they managed to turn his minor scrapes and bruises into an explosion. The excitable news crews and their sensationalized reporting of the runaway train throughout the day is also par for the course in Ohio, as was the cranky corporate goon who called for derailment of the train.

    I get your point about clichéd action movies, but your exorbitant use of caps to demonstrate how all the suspense was generated by crap we've already seen before renders your point kind of moot, when the majority of those clichés are incidental to the actual accident and weren't just inserted during production to ramp up the level of action. If anything it's just their fault for making a point to use such a ridiculous story as the basis of an action movie to begin with.