Thursday 5 November 2009

One Night Of Saucytime

It’s Week 1,347 of The Incredible Suit’s campaign to have the next James Bond film, probably not to be called Blood And Thunder, cast entirely by a mentally unhinged blogger.

Today we’ll look at the new Miss Moneypenny, by which I mean I’ll tell you who I think should play her and you’ll be so uninterested that you’ve probably already turned your computer off, buried it at the bottom of the garden and made a cup of tea.

The criteria are simple:
1) Be attractive but slightly bookish.
2) Don’t moon after 007 like a dim-witted puppy, but
3) Give the impression that Moneypenny and Bond had one night of saucytime a while back.

Here’s the selection:

Interestingly, which is to say that I find it interesting, which means you really should too, all of these actresses could be a Bond girl just as well as a Moneypenny, which is one less blog post about my fantasy cast for you to have to ignore. Hooray! Anyway I think I’ll go for Emilia Fox as Moneypenny because she’s the closest to Daniel Craig’s age. That way we won’t have to put up with the kind of borderline kiddy-fiddling that went on with Gemma Arterton in Quantum Of Solace.

So just to keep you updated, so far the main titles are looking like this:

Albert R Broccoli’s EON Productions and The Incredible Suit present
Daniel Craig as James Bond
Blood And Thunder
(thanks to The Incredible Suit for the title)
Vincent Cassel as the Bad Guy, which was The Incredible Suit’s idea
Bernard Hill or David Warner as M (also The Incredible Suit’s idea)
Noel Clarke as Q (The Incredible Suit again)
Emilia Fox as Miss Moneypenny ( "              " )
Some other people, yet to be decided by The Incredible Suit
Oh and with music by Muse, which wasn’t The Incredible Suit’s idea as such but is heartily endorsed thereby.

Furthermore can we make sure that David Arnold composes the score again? The only way I’ll be happy if he doesn’t is if John Barry does it instead. Oh and bring Daniel Kleinman back to do the title sequence, that last one was a load of old Moonraker.

My work here is done.

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  1. **Casting of the next Bond film 'Premium Bond' has Ricky Gervais as James Bond Licensed to carry risk certificate 007 for Beretta 418. A silencer is supplied for the palm pistol but not, sadly for Gervais. M is to be played by Eddie Izzard with Julian Clary as the PA. Q is a new role for Peter Snow and the villian Vaga Bond goes to Richard Branson. A Cabbage/Brussel/Broccoli steamed production directed by David Blunket

    **Variety volume 416 nuber 12 p 16

  2. Nicola Harrison for Moneypenny!

  3. (She was in "Control", and that thing about Clive Sinclair that was on tele the other day)

  4. And I believe she's on the same record label as The Incredible Suit's band, Superchap. Apparently there's a bit of a race on to see who's album is released first. My money's on Nicola Harrison's because Suit-per-chap spends all the time blogging.

  5. Nicola Harrison is indeed an actress of considerable talent, but the last thing I want to see is Daniel Craig's paws all over her, the swine! Anyway I know she's got a thing for Vincent Cassel so she'd end up with the bad guy.

    NME, you forgot to mention the name of that record label, Sitting Target. Sloppy.

  6. Kelly MacDonald as Moneypenny. Isn't she lovely?