Thursday 19 November 2009

2012: A Review

Mumble mumble, pseudo-scientific techno-babble... nutrinos... CRASH!!! SMASH!!! BASH!!! CHEESE!! WHOOSH!!! SPLASH!!! CRACK!!! AAAGGHHHHH!!! MORE CHEESE!! BOOM!!! BANG!!! CLANG!!! FOOM!!! WHOOSH!!! A BIT MORE CHEESE!! CRUNCH!!! Repeat until head hurts.

Preposterous, instantly forgettable fun. 6/10

Also, 2012 is long. Really long. About 366 days by all estimates.

To comment on this post, click here


  1. suit! how did you get your reviews on the external review links on the imdb?

  2. You're RIGHT!

    I LITERALLY had completely forgotten I saw this movie! I went last night and I have not spent a single mili-second thinking about it since! It was brilliant. I think? All I can recall is this big action scene with all stuff in it, it started at the beginning of the film and then ended 3 hrs later.

  3. Matty, glad you agree. You may have forgotten the movie, but did you have an inexplicable compulsion to buy a Sony Vaio all day?

  4. When I saw "WHOOSH" "BANG!" etc. at the head of your 2012 review I thought it might be for a revival of the TV Batman series or perhaps a Tardis journey to 2012 to see bulldozers flattening BBC Television Centre as troops vacate and diversify to Broadcasting House, Salford, Glasgow or Oblivion. I've not seen 2012 but I am determined to experience "Preposporous instantly fogettable fun."

  5. A 2012 graph for you :-

    Ms Jeans

  6. So GRAPHS are to be the running gag from now on with one graphic review after another. Favourite singer? Art Grafunkel.

    Makes a change from Sacha Moore with his amazing knowledge of film whose running gag was Danny DeVito (106 listings in IMDB), the idea being to attribute some part of every film to him such is his amazing capacity to pop up everywhere at once in Hollywood. I'd treasure his autograph or photgraph. Does that make sense, or do I need to draw you a graph? Have you reviewed 'Graphic Sexual Horror'?

  7. I've just seen a beautifal gentle heart rending film about Keats. Do you know what a Keat is? Well, John Keats was a 19th century romantic poet who dipped his nib sadly only literaly to write about his Fanny, Frances 'Fanny' Brawne that is. It is a tissue at the ready film, ready I hasten to add for tears because the poor chap died a virgin at 25 not knowing his poems would have lasting success. The film is 'Bright Star' so in his honour here is a period version of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star'

    Scintilate scintilate globule vivific.
    Fain would I fathom thy nature specific.
    Loftily poised in the ether capacious.
    Strongly resembling the gem carbonacious.

  8. Tony, your capacity for exaggerated punnery never ceases to amaze me, and your poetry skills are, well, skills. Keep up the good work.

  9. Do you even know what a nutrino is?


  10. Yep. One half of useless garage act Oxide & Nutrino, responsible for that cover of the Casualty theme tune.

    You can't catch me out.