Friday 18 September 2009

Bondesque Noisegasm

Congratulations, ladies! I think the less said about this the better, so let’s move swiftly on to something less likely to get me sued.

Preposterously overblown but quite brilliant rock mentalists Muse have said they’d say “Good grief yes of course” if they were asked to record a theme song for a James Bond film, according to this article on the BBC News website.

Now any band who wouldn’t say “Good grief yes of course” to such a request would be an olive short of a vodka martini, but what’s vaguely exciting about this, at least in the pathetically Bond-obsessed world of The Incredible Suit, is that I said yonks ago that Muse should do a Bond theme, and now it’s a step closer to becoming a reality.

Muse have exactly the right amount of outrageously pompous bombasticity in their music (i.e. way too much) to blow Shirley Bassey’s burly chassis to the moon, which is ironically roughly where Muse need to perform from in order for mere mortal ears not to explode from the sheer aural pummeling delivered by their music.

Furthermore, this means I can begin my campaign to demand who should be working on the 23rd Bond film. Between now and its release I’ll be making the case for The Incredible Suit’s choices and waiting for a call from Barbara Broccoli to ask me what my fee is for providing such a valuable service.

So far, we’ve obviously got to have Daniel Craig as Bond because he’s fricking marvellous, and as I mentioned in this post, Vincent Cassel has to be the villain because he’s ugly, foreign and hard enough to give 007 a good kicking, which is just what he needs, the arrogant tit. “I can’t seem to find the stationery” indeed. Who does he think he is?

And now we’ve got Muse doing the theme tune. I haven’t decided on a title yet, but if it were to be called “Supermassive Black Hole” that would be convenient as they’ve thoughtfully already written a Bondesque noisegasm by that name. Alternatively something like this would be equally appropriate:

Don't forget to spend your weekend having a Swizzlethon, then come back and tell The Incredible Suit: What was Patrick Swayze's Greatest Performance, Like, Ever? Not the best film he was in, because that would be Donnie Darko hands down, but in which movie did he rock a mullet and stare blankly like no other actor before or since? Eh? Eh?

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  1. Muse is the brand name of an Alprostadil Penile Suppository.

    Is the band Muse able to rise to the occasion of a Bond Theme? Is it up for it? Are they hardened professionals. Is there stiff opposition? Will their song be able to enter the charts and rise quickly? Howw did this information come?

  2. Good grief Tony. This is a family blog you know!

  3. I like Muse but I don't want them to do a Bond theme. Bond themes usually mark the beginning of the end for the band in question. A-Ha, Duran Duran, Garbage, Madonna, even Paul McCartney, they were all a bit less successful after doing Bond themes...........

  4. Hmm. You make an interesting point. However I don't care that much about Muse so if they do the Bond thing then disappear off the face of the Earth it won't affect me, and that's all that matters. Hooray for me!