An Open Letter To Icon Home Entertainment

Dear Sir / Madam,

The other day I sat down to watch my recently-purchased DVD of one of my favourite films from last year, Buried. It really is very good, I recommend you watch it. I'm assuming you haven't yet because that's the only explanation I can think of for you releasing it IN THE WRONG ASPECT RATIO.

FYI, Buried was shot in 2.35:1 by award-winning director of photography Eduard Grau, who also shot A Single Man ("Every frame is an aesthete's fine-grained high-polish dream" - Film4.com). I imagine he knows what he's doing, don't you? When Buried's director Rodrigo Cortés asked Grau to shoot his film set entirely inside a horizontal coffin, I can't imagine it was a matter of much debate whether to shoot it in what could fairly be described as the coffinesque 2.35:1 or the, shall we say, less coffinesque TV-friendly 1.77:1 in which the DVD version is presented. He probably didn't even need to consult this section of the Cinematographer's Handbook:

I'm also curious as to why there is no Dolby Digital 5.1 surround soundtrack on the DVD. Initially I cursed my decoder for its inability to process DTS but then I remembered that pretty much EVERY SINGLE DVD EVER RELEASED has a Dolby Digital track, especially one with such complex sound design as Buried.

Can I recommend a couple of things? First, in future, if you're unable to release a DVD in the correct aspect ratio, don't release it at all until you can. I know you think most people don't care, and you might be right, but it's an insult to those that do and to the artists who created the film to spunk out a panned and scanned travesty of the original vision.

Second, I trust that when a proper video transfer and a Dolby Digital soundtrack are available and you re-release Buried, anyone who wants to can swap their inferior, infuriatingly cropped version for the new release free of charge.

In the meantime, despite having told everyone who reads my award-nominated-but-not-quite-winning blog how amazing Buried is, I'll be advising them not to buy it on DVD or Blu-ray until there's a version out there that does justice to the film, because this isn't it.

Please feel free to respond at this email address.

Many thanks,
The Incredible Suit

Oh Good, It's Oscar Time

The 2011 Oscar nominations are being announced at about 1.30 this afternoon. As anyone who was unfortunate enough to read The Incredible Suit this time last year will know, this particular annual ritual fills me with unimaginable joy and barely containable excitement. There is nothing my heart desires more than watching normally sane people go bonkers over a bunch of overpaid, self-important but otherwise ordinary human beings slapping each other on the back with such force that their sense of humour falls off and they get all pissy when comedians make jokes about their ridiculous lives.

However, this year I am prepared to make an exception. I'm giving the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences a chance. If they agree to recognise, via the medium of nomination, Buried - as we are all painfully aware The Incredible Suit's best film of last year - then I'll show some enthusiasm. I'll display a frisson of excitement. I may even crack a smile.

It's not a ridiculous notion. I don't expect Buried to walk off with every award going on February 27th, but there's no reason why it shouldn't be nominated in any number of categories: Best Actor? Ryan Rodney Reynolds spent weeks in a box acting his little socks off and kept us entertained almost by himself for 94 sweaty, groin-clenchingly tense minutes. Best Director? Rodrigo Cortés' old-school filmmaking has justifiably been compared to Hitchcock (mostly by me). Best Screenplay? Chris Sparling's script drip-fed information at exactly the right pace and gave RyRod some zingers into the bargain. Best Original Score? Cinematography? Editing? Sound Mixing and Editing? Buried can lay claim to excellence in all these categories.

So come back later today and together we'll see just how many Oscars Buried has been nominated for, in The Incredible Suit's snappily-titled Buriedoscarnominationometer:

*** 2pm UPDATE! ***

Fancy that.

127 Hours

I really think Danny Boyle needs to calm down. When you reach the point where you can't show somebody drinking from a bottle of water without sticking a camera in the straw you need to take a step back and check yourself.

If you don't know the entire story of 127 Hours by now then you must have been living under a rock for ages, ho ho ho. So it's a bit unnecessary actually going to see the film now, except to enjoy the sight of (spoiler) a man ripping his own arm off with a blunt knife. There's nothing else of any substance in the film - no real insight into James Franco's character, no revelatory spiritual journey for him to undertake while he's stuck in his horrific predicament and no sense that the whole experience changed him any more than leaving him a couple of kilos lighter.

All the trippy editing, innumerate fantasy sequences and flashy flashbacks do is remind you that YOU'RE WATCHING A FILM, and A DANNY BOYLE FILM at that, which kind of does a disservice to Aron Ralston, the man whose story was probably told perfectly adequately in his book, upon which the film is based.

Having said all that, 127 Hours is an entertaining and obviously, at times, challenging watch, but when a story's been Boyled this much it just feels like all the human drama has evaporated into hot air. Last year's best film, Buried, proved you didn't need visual Tourette's to skillfully and thrillingly tell the story of a man trapped in a confined space. Just confidence in yourself, faith in the story and respect for your audience. All qualities Danny Boyle began his directorial career with, but which he seems to have at some point amputated and left under a rock of box office success in the great crevice of cinema.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the worst metaphor you'll read today.

What Can Loosely Be Described As The "Top 10" Movies Of 2010

I say "loosely" because really only the top four or five have earned the right to be in my Top 10. The rest wouldn't be allowed within shitting distance of such a list in any other self-respecting year.

So here are The Incredible Suit's ten least worst films of 2010, presented in reverse order of least-worstness in a pathetic attempt to drum up some excitement as you make your way towards the bottom rubbishest movie of the year. Go enthusiasm!

TEN

A dull story about a bunch of wankers told with unmatchable style, wit and skill by one of the world's greatest living directors. David Fincher could direct a film of this blog and make it bearable. He's that good.
Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Revenge Of The Nerds meets The Net!

NINE

Not just "funny", but also "touching". I know because the internets said so. Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo for Best Everything at next year's Oscars.
Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Desert Hearts (or some other famous lesbian film) meets BBC1's My Family! But funny! And touching!

EIGHT

Satisfyingly engrossing murder mystery populated by well-written characters and directed with style and elegance. The exact opposite of its sequels.
Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Murder Most Foul meets The Seventh Seal (or some other famous Swedish film)!

SEVEN

You might need the novel as a guidebook, but this is an undeniably massive pair of quality funbags (thanks largely to Mrs Weasley) from start to finish. Not that it actually, you know, finishes as such.
Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Harry Potter meets Lord Of The Rings! In a tent!

SIX

Uneven but solid entertainment which should spawn a cracking sequel. Hit Girl is this generation's Ripley, only swearier.
Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Spider-Man meets Batman starring that potty-mouthed kid off of The Exorcist!

FIVE

Occasionally uncomfortable, often hilarious, always brilliant: it's THE FILM THAT TOOK THE WORLD BY SURPRISE! Or at least both of us who saw it. Good job, "marketing department".
Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Mrs Doubtfire meets Kevin The Teenager!

FOUR

Insanely high expectations may have led to initial disappointment, but this panoply of pixellated punch-ups comes out fighting with every repeated viewing. Quality Edgartainment.
Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Fight Club meets Grease!

THREE

Nothing new from Pixar, just the effortlessly perfect blend of action, comedy and drama that rival animation studios can only Dream of.
Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Toy Story meets Toy Story 2!

TWO

Minds were blown, brains were melted, eyes were popped. All of which made a terrible mess, but when it's this entertaining you really can't complain. Unless you're the one cleaning the cinema.
Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Dreamscape meets that episode of Scrooge McDuck they're all on about!

ONE

The greatest film about a box since The Box. Director Rodrigo Cortés sticks to pleasingly old-school filmmaking while Ryan Rodney Reynolds keeps it grounded. Grounded! Ah, deary me. *wipes eye*

Lazy but easily marketable description for idiots: It's Lifeboat meets Boxing Helena!

So off you pop, "2010". It was semi-nice knowing you. Byeeeeeeee!

Buried

Whenever a filmmaker compares their new movie to anything Alfred Hitchcock ever did, the temptation to stab them to death in the shower, drop them from the top of a tower or strangle them and serve afternoon tea on their coffin is almost overwhelming. The most recent perp was James Mangold, whose Knight And Day was (despite his claims) about as similar to North By Northwest as chalk and shit.

So when Spanish director Rodrigo Cortés repeatedly pushed the Hitchiness of his high-concept Claustrocore thriller Buried, I started sharpening the knives and fetching lengths of rope out of the garage. Then came the first poster and trailer, which were intriguing, then another poster and trailer, both inspired by Hitchcock collaborator Saul Bass, which were ace, and before I knew it I wanted to see Buried ASAFP. So I did.

Let's be clear about something: this film is 95 minutes of Ryan Rodney Reynolds in a box. That's it. Let's be clear about something else: this is the best film I've seen this year. From its amazing opening titles to its final shot, Buried is an astounding technical accomplishment and a terrific work of suspense cinema. So while Ryan is squirming in his grave, Alfred can officially stop turning in his.

At no point in this film do you get bored of being stuck in a box with Ryan Rodney Reynolds, but at the same time you're screaming to be let out. Cortés uses every trick in the Desperate Director's Handbook to keep us hooked, and he does it exactly how Hitch did: with skilful sound design, creative lighting, ingenious camerawork and inventive editing. It's a masterclass in old-school filmmaking.

There are other actors in Buried, though they're (mostly) relegated to voices on the other end of the phone, but it's Triple R who carries the film with a career-best performance that you can't imagine many other actors pulling off. If it was Day-Lewis or De Niro in there they'd be bellowing their lungs off until you prayed for the air to run out.

Like everything, it's not perfect - the score, while tremendous, sounds like the guy in the next coffin is watching Lost, and Robert Paterson, the actor who spends the most time on the blower with RRR, is so wooden he could have been cast as the coffin.

Nevertheless, Buried leaps to No.1 in The Incredible Suit's Top 5 of 2010, which I promise I'll publish as soon as Clash Of The Titans drops out of it and I won't get lynched. Meanwhile, here's the obligatory over-zealous warning from the IMDb Parents' Guide:

Hardcore.

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"Boo Hoo I'm Trapped" Is The New "Boo Hoo I'm A Vampire"

Now that the entire cosmos is thoroughly sick to the pointy back teeth of vampires in movies thanks to a pasty, sparkling glut of them over the past couple of years (Let The Right One In being the only acceptable example), it's high time we had a new trend to exhaust very quickly.

And so it falls to the brand new "stuck somewhere claustrophobic for most of the film" sub-genre (which I hereby christen Claustrocore) to provide all the confined-space ROFLs we could ask for, so that in six months' time we'll all be fully aware that the real demons aren't outside... THEY'RE WITHIN OUR VERY SELVES, ZOMG!

September 17 2010: Devil

The bad news:

Five strangers are trapped in a lift. One of them may or may not be

The Prince Of Darkness (The Devil, not Ozzy Osbourne).

The really bad news:

Story by M Night Shyamalan + no preview screenings = satanic turkey.

September 29 2010: Buried

The bad news:

One man is trapped in a coffin.

The really bad news:

All he has with him are a lighter, a mobile phone and a DVD of Devil.

January 7 2011: 127 Hours

The bad news:

One man is trapped in a canyon with a big rock slowly crushing his hand.

The really bad news:

It's his "alone-time" hand.

February 4 2011: James Cameron Presents Sanctum

The bad news:

Fifteen divers are trapped in an underwater cave.

The really bad news:

James Cameron wants them to stay there a bit longer so he

can release a special edition in six months' time.

Some time in 2012: Life Of Pi

The bad news:

A teenager is trapped on a boat with a hyena, a zebra, an orangutan

and a tiger called Richard Parker (coincidentally my old history teacher).

The really bad news:

By the time it gets made it'll have missed the "Boo Hoo I'm Trapped" boat
and future movie blogs will be flaming it for not being part of the new

"Boo Hoo I've Been Turned Into Cheese" subgenre.

Sooner than you think:

It's Chile Down Here: The Inevitable True Story

The bad news:

33 poor bastards are trapped in a mine in the middle
of the Atacama desert for four months.

The really bad news:

M Night Shyamalan has already tried to get them all to sign contracts

before they're allowed any food or water, and in the end one of them

will turn out to be dead all along / responsible for the cave-in /

 Father Christmas / capable of making a better film himself.

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Movie-Con III: Day 2

Yesterday left me feeling like I'd spent seven hours being run over by a 3D CGI steamroller driven by Trailer Voiceover Man. As much as I love trailers, it is possible to have too much of a good thing. It's also possible to have too much of an average thing, a category into which much of yesterday's footage neatly falls.

Before I get my grump on though, I should mention the goodie bags. There they were, waiting for us like packed stockings on Christmas morning, and - like packed stockings on Christmas morning - there were only really two great presents:

Not that I was ungrateful for the A-Team box set, the New Moon DVD, all the t-shirts or any of the other stuff. It'll all make great actual Christmas presents (except maybe the London Film Museum lanyard). But you can't beat Jelly Belly, and Bitch Slap, well, I'll enjoy finding out if you can beat that.

Anyway I saw so much footage and saw so many panels that I should only really tell you about the awful stuff and the great stuff. So:

The Awful Stuff

The teaser for Captain America is predictably abominable and abominably predictable. Stock WWII footage, some fancy graphics and a shot of Chris Evans in an embarrassingly bad costume that looks like he sewed it himself while drunk does not an appetite whet.

There was other awful stuff but I'm politely glossing over it in favour of:

The Great Stuff

My Cowboys And Aliensometer has returned to the "enthusiastic" position. Daniel Craig looks ace as a cowboy with his face hewn from Monument Valley rock, and Harrison Ford being old and cantankerous is exactly what the world needs right now. On yesterday's evidence this could be Jon Favreau's redemption for Iron Man 2.

Monsters, which I had lazily dismissed as a District 9 clone, might just be better than District 9. The stuff we saw included bonkers creatures and intimate character moments, but the highlight was a Q&A with writer / director / cinematographer / production designer / God knows what else Gareth Edwards, one of the most genuine, down-to-earth people to grace the Movie-Con stage. He was immediately likeable and I hope to Christ his film is good because he deserves to go far.



And I've already banged on about Buried, but watching the first eight minutes of the movie and then listening to its excitable, hilarious, self-deprecating director Rodrigo Cortés giggle with glee at how much shit he put Ryan Rodney Reynolds through to make this film just made me want to see it more.

Apart from all that, Chloe Moretz is a 30-year-old in a 13-year-old's body, Cary Elwes is a rogueish raconteur and Daniel Radcliffe is tiny and needs a haircut.

Then some guy proposed to his girlfriend on stage, everyone stood up to applaud, and in doing so I lost my pen and therefore failed to write anything else down, which I imagine comes as some relief.

Still more tomorrow!

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Some Trailers

A lot of trailers are being released at the moment. You might not know what to make of them, so The Incredible Suit is here to tell you what to think and how to feel.

Buried continues to display some balls-out marketing madness. The new trailer doesn't even show any bits from the film, probably because it's almost entirely set in a six foot-long box and that doesn't really lend itself to hyperactive editing and pauses in the music for crap jokes. It does deliver some serious Saul Bassiness though, not unlike its second amazing poster.



I'm going for Buried as this year's unexpected smash that nobody saw coming apart from all the people who did. It had better not let me down.

Red is based on a comic book series you've never heard of because there were only ever three issues. The title is an acronym for Retired, Extremely Dangerous, and it's about a bunch of ex-CIA pensioners who are called into action when the life of the love interest of one of their number is in danger. Like Last Of The Summer Wine, but with Mary-Louise Parker as Nora Batty.



Ignoring the ropey FX on that stepping-out-of-the-moving-car gag, this could well be the action comedy that Knight And Day should have been. Although to be fair I haven't seen Knight And Day, it could be amazing for all I know.

Also any film that stars Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Richard Dreyfuss, Karl Urban, Brian Cox and, after what feels like a twenty-year absence, the Bruce Willis Smirk, can't be all bad. And no, your eyes didn't deceive you. THAT WAS ERNEST BORGNINE.

Tron Legacy is the sequel to one of those 1980s films that you either love blindly because you grew up with it or you think is a bit bobbins because you watched it for the first time as a grown man and came to the conclusion that your life is no worse off having not seen it in all that time.



At the risk of repeating myself, I'd still rather see this.

Finally, here's the latest trailer for David Fincher's Facebook movie, The Social Network. As a warning to younger viewers I should point out that this trailer contains several shots of Jesse Eisenberg's face.



Oh yeah there's a spectacularly-delivered f-bomb in there too.

I can't get excited about this, no matter how hard I try. Fincher has got so much making up to do to me after his last few films that he should screen this personally, at my house, while pouring me glasses of ice-cold panda blood and serving dodo goujons in order to win me round. Although as it's clearly going to be about three hours long he probably shouldn't bother.

Now as it happens I've got an idea for a film about a game-changing website set up by an unrecognised and misunderstood genius. Any takers?

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Marketing Geniuses Do It Again, Only Properly This Time

Having already parped out a fantastic, original poster and an atmospheric trailer for Buried, the forthcoming film about Ryan Rodney Reynolds stuck in a box, Lionsgate have channelled the spirit of titan of poster design Saul Bass to produce this beauty:

In a world of posters full of floating heads and orange-and-blue colour schemes, this is how you make your film stand out. Top marks team.

Although they are quite shamelessly appealing to The Incredible Suit's love of one of the greatest films ever made:

I'm such a sucker.

In other properly-marketed-movie news:

Yummy.

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2010 In 'Some Films That Don't Look Awful' Shocker

Buried

Minimalist poster + Genuinely terrifying trailer = Must see.

I'm also intrigued by this, if only because it's THE RETURN OF JOE DANTE, director of The Incredible Suit faves Innerspace and Gremlins:

The Hole

Obviously it's aimed at "a younger audience", which I'll probably complain about when I see it, but you know what? Sometimes you just have to put yourself into a child.

Hang on, that's not right.

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