And so it falls to the brand new "stuck somewhere claustrophobic for most of the film" sub-genre (which I hereby christen Claustrocore) to provide all the confined-space ROFLs we could ask for, so that in six months' time we'll all be fully aware that the real demons aren't outside... THEY'RE WITHIN OUR VERY SELVES, ZOMG!
September 17 2010: Devil
The bad news:
Five strangers are trapped in a lift. One of them may or may not be
The Prince Of Darkness (The Devil, not Ozzy Osbourne).
The really bad news:
Story by M Night Shyamalan + no preview screenings = satanic turkey.
September 29 2010: Buried
The bad news:
One man is trapped in a coffin.
The really bad news:
All he has with him are a lighter, a mobile phone and a DVD of Devil.
January 7 2011: 127 Hours
The bad news:
One man is trapped in a canyon with a big rock slowly crushing his hand.
The really bad news:
It's his "alone-time" hand.
February 4 2011: James Cameron Presents Sanctum
The bad news:
Fifteen divers are trapped in an underwater cave.
The really bad news:
James Cameron wants them to stay there a bit longer so he
can release a special edition in six months' time.
Some time in 2012: Life Of Pi
The bad news:
A teenager is trapped on a boat with a hyena, a zebra, an orangutan
and a tiger called Richard Parker (coincidentally my old history teacher).
The really bad news:
By the time it gets made it'll have missed the "Boo Hoo I'm Trapped" boat
and future movie blogs will be flaming it for not being part of the new
and future movie blogs will be flaming it for not being part of the new
"Boo Hoo I've Been Turned Into Cheese" subgenre.
Sooner than you think:
It's Chile Down Here: The Inevitable True Story
The bad news:
33 poor bastards are trapped in a mine in the middle
of the Atacama desert for four months.
of the Atacama desert for four months.
The really bad news:
M Night Shyamalan has already tried to get them all to sign contracts
before they're allowed any food or water, and in the end one of them
will turn out to be dead all along / responsible for the cave-in /
Father Christmas / capable of making a better film himself.
To comment on this post, click here
Very funny post, particularly like the "alone time hand" comment and the bit about Cameron :D
ReplyDeleteWhich numpty thinks they can film Life of Pi? It's a wonderful book but not right for celluloid.
On another note Mt Suit (;D) did you not enjoy 30 Days of Night?
That numpty would be Ang Lee. And you're probably right.
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen 30 Days Of Night. If it's a horror my taste filter will have deselected it before it reached my eyes.
Oooops feeling a bit guilty about the numpty remark now, I really like Ang Lee particularly The Ice Storm ...one of my all time favs.
ReplyDeleteI mentioned 30 Days of Night as a fairly recent example of a good vamp pic.
Don't you watch any horror flicks then? There are some quality ones out there, you mentioned Let the Right One In. I don't have any interest in the more extreme stuff like A Serbian Movie though. No thanks!
funny.
ReplyDeleteAnyone else notice that these closet sadists* all got greenlit when Channel 4 announced the end of Big Brother...and now the show has finished they're all getting released?
ReplyDeleteI miss the good 'ol days when tyrannical directors took thousands of extras out to a desert and made them film gruelling battle scenes for months.
* as in, they like to lock up people in a closet and film their fear...FOR ENTERTAINMENT! BWAH HA HA!
None of them will beat The Diving Bell and the Butterfly: he's trapped inside his own eye!
ReplyDeleteHow about 'Frozen' and 'Operation Endgame'? We are already here!
ReplyDeleteWow, to actually say, publicly "my taste filter" when describing a film genre. Not too full of oneself, are we? This type of smarmy, sarcastic, "full-of-one's-own-opinion" blog is one of the reasons there should be aptitude tests before allowing people to blog.
ReplyDeleteActually, the person who referenced his "taste filter" was commenting on a blog. The person actually blogging made no such reference. This type of ignorant criticism is exactly there should be tests on internet vernacular before allowing people to post comments.
ReplyDeleteUm ... check again. The blogger referenced his taste filter. This type of ____ is exactly why ____ should be required for ____ and _____.
ReplyDeleteI'm upset that the reviewer forgot to put Park Chan-Wook's Thirst next to Let The Right One In. While it is not as good as LTROI it is most definitely a better vampire film than the vast majority of what's been released in the last few years.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe someone referred to their own taste filter. How very dare they, on their own blog and everything. What gives them the right to say whatever they like on their own website? Herp derp, etc.
ReplyDelete