Intertubery should obviously be limited to this site and those it recommends (preferably just the former though), and when that's exhausted its limited appeal, here's what you should be sucking through your pupils for the rest of the day.
BBC1, 11.45am: Legend
Ridley Scott. The Cruiser. Tim Curry in the insanest horns in the history of horning. In all honesty I've never seen this film, but that's what Bank Holidays are for. Join me on Twitter for a live tweetorgy as we experience its might together.
Film 4, 3.10pm: The Time Machine
ITV4, 3.45pm: Flash Gordon
Difficult choice here. The Time Machine is an immaculate, beautiful piece of filmmaking that can't fail to touch your moviegland in delicious ways, while Flash Gordon is the only film ever made that is only legally possible to watch on a Bank Holiday. My head says Eloi and Morlocks but my heart bellows "GORDON'S ALIVE!!!" at brain-splitting volumes.
ITV2, 9.00pm Casino Royale
Film 4, 9.00pm Cloverfield
Another tricky choice. Cloverfield is so unfeasibly entertaining it should be banned under the Dangerously Cracking Movies Act, while Casino Royale is clearly the best 007 film for nearly 20 years and probably for the next 20 too. However, it's a Bank Holiday, so it's mandatory to bathe in Bond till your Walther PPK goes wrinkly.
ITV4, 11.55pm The Exorcist
A film for all moods. Fancy a chucklefest? Get the beers in and your mates round and laugh your ass off at this cheesy dated nonsense. Alternatively, if you want the willies properly put up you, make sure you're alone, turn off all the lights and scare the very faecal matter from your bowels with one of the most disturbingly terrifying films ever made. Two movies for the price of one!
And remember kids, whatever you watch, make the most of it. The next Bank Holiday is Christmas Day and you'll be forced to watch Spider-Man 3, Shrek The Third and Transformers. Bleurgh.
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