This Week's Trailers: A Jude Law Special

Literally a million trailers have been released this week, and 999,961 of them feature Jude Law. Here is a representative sample.

Jude Law in Contagion

"Someone doesn't have to weaponise the bird flu. The birds are doing that." Just give Fishburne all the awards already.

Released October 21st 2011

The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn

C'est un événement cinématographique révolutionnaire! Yeah, right. I bet that's what the French said when they invented cinema, and where did that get us? Eh?

Released October 26th 2011

The Inbetweeners

I was about to cry into my Kevin And Perry Go Large box set until the line "Where's Neil?" "He's literally incredible" popped up. FIVE STARS.

Released August 17th 2011

Jude Law in Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows

Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes is beginning to resemble Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's creation about as much as Roger Moore resembles Fleming's James Bond. And they still haven't sorted out the Jude Law problem, i.e. he's in it.

For a far more interesting look at this trailer wrap your peepers around this from Clothes On Film, especially if you like clothes. And film. And, to some extent, the word "on".

Released December 16th 2011

John Carter

I don't know about you but I can't wait for Cowboys & Aliens.

Released March 9th 2012

The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists!

Any film with "grog and ghosts and whales and lepers, biscuits, nudists and some dentures", as well as no less than TWO exclamation marks in its title, is fine by me.

Released March 30th 2012

The Thing

Looks like the CG Visible Breath budget ran out after the first 30 seconds. Maybe David Fincher has some left over from The Social Network?

Released October 14th 2011

Jude Law in Hugo

If Sacha Baron Cohen doesn't say "Good moaning" at any point I will be severely disappointed.

Released December 2nd 2011

An Exclusive Interview With Joe Cornish!!!!!!!1

Attentive viewers will recall The Incredible Suit's groundbreaking 2011 preview, and in particular my mounting excitement about Attack The Block, the directorial debut (if you don't count the odd TV show and music video) of Joe Cornish, the taller, less hairy half of Adam & Joe, officially the funniest living organisms on Earth.

Furthermore, those of you who have been unfortunate enough to read more than a handful of my posts will be aware of my love for Joe's theme song for Quantum Of Solace, which came about as a result of Song Wars, a feature on Adam & Joe's 6 Music radio show.

Given this embarrassing amount of fawning obsequiousness, and the fact that Mr Cornish is busy working on Attack The Block, The Adventures Of Tintin: The Secret Of The Unicorn and Marvel's forthcoming Ant-Man (the latter two as writer), nobody was more surprised than The Incredible Suit when he a) agreed to answer some preposterously inane questions I posed him, and b) didn't have me arrested and put under a restraining order. Although there's still time for that.

Hello Joe. I’m a little starstruck and don’t quite know what to ask. What do you think would be a good first question? Any question but that one. That just instantly flips all the work onto me, and the interview’s only just begun. How dare you. Jesus, this interview has got off to a really awkward and embarrassing start. Oh dear. Um... OK, I've got one. You’re that bloke off the telly and the radio. What are you playing at directing a big budget movie like Attack The Block? Every British citizen is allowed to direct one film each during their lifetime. It’s like Jury service. You get notified by post. What stage is the production at? Is it too late to give a small role to a witty and handsome film blogger? I’m talking about me. It’s not a stage production, it’s a film. And I couldn’t hear the second part of the question. A plane went over. Really? I didn't hear it. When can we expect Attack The Block to arrive in cinemas? I’m a bit bored of waiting tbh. Listen Mister Incredible Suit, I didn’t tell you to camp out in a sleeping bag in Leicester Square until the film comes out. You made that choice yourself. So don’t blame me if you’re bored waiting. Edgar Wright keeps banging on about how tired he is making Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Are you getting enough sleep? I’m worried about you. Unfortunately Edgar’s being stalked by Freddy Krueger in his dreams (the original one, not the one from the remake), so he can’t go to sleep for personal safety reasons. Dennis Quaid is currently using my dreams to get to the bottom of some kind of global dream-warfare conspiracy, so it’s important that I sleep for as long as possible every night. That’s just how the cookie happens to crumble. You're appealing to my love of The Quaid there so I don't ask you any difficult questions. Good tactic. Presumably you’ll be recording a theme song for Attack The Block in the ‘Song Wars’ style, yes? It may yet come to that. You’ve been working with Steven Spielberg on The Adventures Of Tintin. I hope you had a word with him about Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. Sorry. There’s another plane going over. Really loud. Must be one of those new double decker ones. Sorry. Hmm. Can you tell me anything about Attack The Block, Tintin or Ant-Man that nobody else knows? Some kind of exclusive would be great for my rep. Christ, it’s circling. So sorry. Oh for heaven's sake. OK, here's an easier one. You and Adam are back on 6 Music this weekend at Glastonbury, which is the best news, like, ever. When do you expect to be back for good? My train journeys are filled with gloom and despondency now that I don’t have the podcast. We’ll be back on 6 Music as soon as we can, if they’ll have us. I have to finish the film first, then I might take a bit of a holiday. Would that be okay? Where do you think I should go? But I reckon we’ll be back in one way or another before the end of the year. Thank you for caring. You're welcome. Try Rhyl. What’s your favourite colour? Blue Peter. Good choice. Finally, could you just say something concise, witty and complimentary about The Incredible Suit which I can quote as if it was an off-the-cuff comment you made down the pub one day? “I love the way The Incredible Suit is a blog about movies by a man.” That'll do I suppose. You may go now. Thanks a million! Thank YOU The Incredible Suit, it’s been a great honour. I enjoy your blog a lot. It’s funny. Bye!

So there you go. To briefly summarise the amazing scoops in there that you won't find ANYWHERE ELSE:

• Joe Cornish has a nocturnal mental hotline to The Quaid
• Joe Cornish can almost certainly be found at Rhyl Sun Centre later this year
• Joe Cornish spends a lot of time under a suspiciously busy flight path

The Incredible Suit can also exclusively reveal that Joe Cornish is much taller than he sounds on the radio.

And now, because I never miss an opportunity...



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Happy New Year! (Part II)

My preview of 2011’s best movies has been so overwhelmingly popular / such a massively misjudged disaster (I don’t know, I wrote this last week) that I’m taking things to the next level. And I don’t mean an awkward fumble over the clothes, you’ll be relieved to hear, but Part Two of…

Films That Might Not Be Crapples in 2011!

Attack The Block

Saturdays have been an abyss of despair since Joe Cornish left 6 Music’s Adam & Joe show to direct this sci-fi comedy about a bunch of South London kids defending their council estate against invading aliens, but I forgive him. AS LONG AS IT’S THE BEST FILM OF 2011. Which I’m sure it will be.
Very Much Looking Forward To: A theme song by Joe as good as his Quantum Of Solace offering

Best Minor Cast Member Name: Flaminia Cinque

Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part II

Still not sure about the wisdom of splitting this into two films, but if this isn’t the best of the series I’ll eat my sorting hat. I’m also hoping it will, by July 2011, be socially acceptable to say that Ginny Weasley is a sexpot.
Very Much Looking Forward To: The epilogue looking much better than the leaked photos suggest
Best Minor Cast Member Name: Christian Wolf-La’Moy

Cowboys & Aliens

Despite predicting a complete disaster because Jon Favreau is “helming”, or “directing” as they used to call it, I’ll still be seeing this because you can’t not see a film starring James Bond, Indiana Jones and Eric Knox from Charlie’s Angels. Icons of a generation all. Also I hate cowboys and love aliens so it gives me something to root for. Come on you extra-terrestrial antagonists!
Very Much Looking Forward To: A high noon showdown between Daniel Craig and Christopher Johnson from District 9
Best Minor Cast Member Name: None, but Ervin Rustemagic is a co-producer

The Adventures Of Tintin:
The Secret Of The Unicorn

I’d be more enthusiastic about this if it wasn’t motion-capture animation, which fills me with a gut-churning dread, but when you’ve got the likes of Steven Spielberg, Peter Jackson, Steven Moffat, Edgar Wright and Joe Cornish involved you’d be Crackers Patel not to be interested. Like every film released in 2011, it stars Daniel Craig, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.
Very Much Looking Forward To: The return of The Mighty John Williams
Best Minor Cast Member Name: Who cares? JOHN WILLIAMS IS BACK!!

Super 8

Everything exciting about this film can be found in this previous geekgasm.
Very Much Looking Forward To: The beginning, the middle and the end
Best Minor Cast Member Name: Give me a break, I doubt it’s even been written yet

So there you go. What have we learned? Not much, except that 2011 will be full of aliens, superheroes and comic book movies, and that there are some people in the film business with amazing names.

See you in six months!

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