Monday, 6 February 2012

BlogalongaMuppets #6: Beaker's Made Up Review Of Muppets From Space

Fucking hell it's cold. Obviously I'm a non-sentient collection of cloth and stitches so I don't feel the cold as such, but if some inconsiderate bastard shoved his hand up your arsehole without warming it up first, you would fucking well feel it as much as I do.

The biggest downside of the current cold spell is that the whole of Lovefilm appears to have frozen solid. This is the only reason I can think of why I haven't received my Muppets From Space DVD, unless of course everyone who works there is a useless workshy fop and can't be arsed to send me the films I requested EVEN WHEN I MADE THEM HIGH FUCKING PRIORITY. Jesus, it's a good job we're not at war.

What this obviously means for you is that you're denied my sharp insight into the last Muppets film, and for that I am truly ambivalent. If you're that fucking desperate, I'll make something up. Hang on, let me check IMDb. Amuse yourself for a minute.
Muppets film in "Beaker-free poster" shocker

OK, I'm back. In all honesty I didn't get any further than Hulk Hogan's name in the cast, at which point I decided to create my own synopsis. Here goes:
When Hulk Hogan tries to take over space, Beaker defeats him by tearing his stupid fucking hair out at the roots, breaking every single bone in his body (including the tiny ones in his ears) and turning him into a giant Muppet by disembowelling him and shoving Frank Oz's arm so far up his rectum that it's hard to tell which hairs belong to Oz's armpit and which belong to Hogan's arse.
Here are some stills from the film:

I don't know about you but I think it looks fucking amazing.

Beaker out. x

Want more BlogalongaMuppetry? Talk to master Muppeteer The Movie Evangelist.

1 comment :

  1. Looking at the poster I expect the movie to be called 'Close Encounters of the Muppet Kind' going by the top third or 'Crouching Muppet Hidden Beaker' in the middle third. Why not 'Pigs in Space' that Miss Piggy did on TV? The bottom third looks like a pyramid, so that suggests a Manamana Muppet Mummy Movie with Kermit in a Khat and Pa Shed Piggy the enchanter.