This Month's Bond 23 Post

With all the rumours bouncing about at the moment regarding the casting of the next James Bond film, literally some of you have asked why I haven't been covering these developments in my own tiresome style. Obviously the reason is that if I wrote about every Bond casting rumour as it happened, The Incredible Suit would soon become little more than a stream of geeky ramblings about unimportant film news. Imagine that.

For the record, in addition to previously rumoured stars, Naomie Harris and Rhys Ifans have recently had their names puked up in connection with the film. I've got my own thoughts about this but until Bond producers EON officially announce the cast, I'll keep them to myself where they belong, like the Daily Telegraph should have done instead of shitting out this remarkable headline:

What I can't quite keep to myself any longer is my excitement that Javier Bardem might be playing a bad guy. In case you weren't sure, this is officially

Here are more than three but fewer than five reasons why:

He could kick Bond's ass like it was a cheap dinner set

Now that we've got a James Bond who can run through walls and shatter your spine with a twitch of his nipples, we need a bad guy who's a believable physical match for him. Neither Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen) nor Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric) posed much of a threat to 007 so it'll be great to see the arrogant bastard getting the living daylights kicked out of him by a massive Spaniard.

He's foreign

I'm no racist - hell, I'm on first name terms with at least two Scotsmen - but in these post-PC days where Bond can't smoke or sleep with more than two women, it's only right that we cling to Ian Fleming's insane mistrust of anybody who doesn't speak the Queen's English. And Bardem's accent is amazing. Watch this and tell me I'm wrong. I'm not.

He's a sexy mofo

I'm not gay - hell, my wife is a female lady - but come on, you would, wouldn't you? Of course you would. It's all very well being a Goldfinger-ugly munter but what would get certain sections of the audience more juiced than a bare-chested Bardem / Craig hunk-off? Your traditional Bond baddie should really have some kind of disfigurement though, so it would have to be a lady-pleasing one. Christopher Lee had a third nipple so I don't see why Bardem can't have an extra cock or something.

He can act

Have you seen Biutiful? No, me neither. Um... ooh, have you seen No Country For Old Men? He's good in that. And he could have a crazy haircut and everything.

In the meantime, crank up your excitotron another notch, because it's just...