But wait! What's that? Dinosaurs? DINOSAURS?
Fortunately, Tezza was kind enough to make his slightly wanky film absolutely stunning to look at. Using the latest Stunnovision cameras with Stunnomorphic lenses and filming exclusively in Stunnoscope, director of photography Emmanuel Lubezki more or less engraves his own name on next year's Best Cinematography Oscar with some of the most achingly beautiful imagery ever committed to film. Shots of incredible natural phenomena mix with nostalgia-tinged representations of a 1950s-set childhood and the odd star going supernova to create the world's greatest Flickr gallery right before your eyes.
So while it's a surreal combination of David Attenborough's Planet Earth, the weirder bits of 2001: A Space Odyssey and the world's most languid soap opera, The Tree Of Life is just about good enough to recommend. Its astounding visuals, Big Themes and note-perfect performances are the things you take with you when you leave, but if you're not in the right mood you'll be asleep before the first cosmic cataclysm.