"If you could live forever, what car would you drive?", asks this billboard for Eclipse, knowing full well it isn't going to get the answer it wants to hear.
If I could live forever, I wouldn't limit myself to one car. That would be crackers. I'd drive a series of increasingly outrageous motors to reflect the mounting insanity brought on by watching everyone around me die.
I'd start with something amazing like a Ferrari 288 GTO, move on to every Aston Martin James Bond ever drove from the DB5 to the DBS, use a time-travelling DeLorean just to pop to the shops, get the General Lee from The Dukes Of Hazzard and KITT from Knight Rider (the original, obv) to leap over rivers, probably get one of those hideous Lamborghini Countach things just to annoy the neighbours and then I'd drive every movie Batmobile up and down the M1, using the Tumbler from Batman Begins to cross the central reservation and crush oncoming vehicles. At weekends I would drive the Condormobile from Condorman very slowly around the estate trying to pick up chicks.
What I would never drive, even in an eternity of everlasting life, is a Volvo XC60, which, according to Wikipedia, boasts such tedious safety features as:
"a whiplash protection system, side impact protection system, roll stability control, dynamic stability and traction control, inflatable curtain airbags, hill descent control, collision warning with brake support, active bi-xenon lights, blah blah yawn yawn zeds."
Why would I want any of that? I'M IMMORTAL!! I could ride naked on a Harley Davidson at 200mph through a fine mesh of razor wire and it wouldn't make a scratch, you 24-hour-headlight-shining idiots!
Any vampire caught at the wheels of one of those is clearly a pasty-faced, pointy-toothed, blood-guzzling loser who's been forced into the most incongruous piece of product placement since Daniel Craig squeezed his gigantic pecs into a Ford Mondeo in Casino Royale.
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