Sticking out of my James Bond soundtrack collection like a scabby todger protruding from a crisp clean pair of boxfresh Calvins is Eric Serra's baffling score for GoldenEye:
Eric Serra - The GoldenEye Overture
I literally don't know what the Broccolis were thinking when they hired Serra to provide the tunage for the revamped, revitalised franchise in 1995, but with Cubby Broccoli on his deathbed and his daughter Barbara taking the reins of EON Productions, it must have gone something like this:
And so it was that Monsieur Serra delivered a score so bizarre that, for the scene in which Bond reduces St Petersburg to crumble topping with the aid of a tank, composer John Altman was brought in to hastily concoct something that sounded like he might have actually seen a Bond film at some time in his life.
John Altman - Tank Drive Around St Petersburg
When Serra was quietly taken out the back and shot, he was replaced with the phenomenal legend that is David Arnold, who has scored every Bond film since 1997's slightly stinky Tomorrow Never Dies, and has done so brilliantly.
I went to see Arnold chatting away at the BFI last year, and I was desperate to ask him if he'd ever considered doing his own score for GoldenEye, even if it was just for his own personal amusement. I thrust my hand in the air for so long that I had to hold my arm up with my other hand like a primary school child, but to no avail. Instead a madman a few rows behind asked stupid questions about whether David Arnold was related to Matthew Arnold, as if anybody gives a shit. Who the hell is Matthew Arnold anyway? I'm still cross about that idiot to this day.
So it was with a mild stirring of the loinular region that I read that David Arnold is writing a score for GoldenEye, but sadly not a re-release of the movie. Instead it's some kind of "video-game" for the Commodore 64 or whatever the kids are playing with these days. Which is weird, because I've never looked forward to a computer game's music before, but that's the position in which I find myself. I'd appreciate it if the soundtrack could be released on CD though so I don't have to fork out for an Atari 2600 and the game cartridge just to listen to the tunes.
That must be the longest preamble to the most pointless denouement in the history of bloggery. I should have just said "David Arnold to score GoldenEye game" and saved us all a lot of pain and misery.
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