- Being TWO HOURS long
- Beginning with an unnecessary origin story which depends on insane coincidence and requires a titanic suspension of disbelief, not to mention the fact that it takes about half an hour to do what the TV series opening did in TWENTY-TWO SECONDS
- Throwing in a rubbish visual gag nicked from Raiders Of The Lost Ark
- Using a woefully unfunny catchphrase ("Alpha Mike Foxtrot") twice in the first reel and then never again
- Naming a minor character "Carnahan" (The film was directed by Joe Carnahan. DO YOU SEE?)
- Having the team still working for the military when they're supposed to be a bunch of freelancers
- Pitting four separate groups of people against each other, thereby making the whole exercise more complicated than necessary
- Throwing in a twist you can see coming from the hot dog stand
- Plunging a bling-free BA into an existential crisis for most of the second act
- Giving Hannibal only one disguise, which involves dyeing his hair
- Not using the original series' theme nearly enough
- Finishing with a painfully awkward post-credits sequence which will mean nothing to anyone under 30
If you want to see a cheesy, fun TV series made into a brilliant, fun film, watch Star Trek.
If you want to see a cheesy, fun TV series made into a shouty, incomprehensible mess that removes all the fun things you remember from the original and replaces them with bewildering plotting and slapdash direction, watch The A-Team. And then question your own sanity.
The Incredible Suit does not love it when a blockbuster adaptation of an old TV favourite fails to come together.
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