Monday, 14 September 2009


It would appear there’s going to be a new Pirates Of The Caribbean film, subtitled “On Stranger Tides”, walking the plank and shivering me timbers in the summer of 2011. Just so you know I’m not making this up:

Seriously, I couldn’t be less interested in this if it was a six-hour documentary about Shia LaBeouf’s first experience on a potty. Ignoring the fact that the previous Pirates Of The Caribbean films were all cackapoopants, there’s a massive clue as to why On Stranger Tides is destined for nothing more than a 2-star review in Empire and a sound ignoring from The Incredible Suit: it’s the fourth movie in the franchise.

You’d think those dimwits in Hollywood would have worked it out by now. It doesn’t matter how successful, critically or financially, your film series is, if you make a fourth picture it will not be foursome. It will be fourful. Geddit? See what I did there? Oh fourget it.

OK, I know the head honchos at Warner, Fox, Universal and what have you are regular readers of The Incredible Suit, so let me spell it out. Here’s a list of some films that were the fourth to be made in a popular series. First, some of those that were so bad they actually tainted the memory of the first three:

Die Hard 4
Terminator: Salvation
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Star Wars: Episode I
(Actually I like it but I’m in a minority. Of one)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Regular viewers will be only too aware who’s to blame for that)
Thunderball (If you think it’s actually good, go back and watch it again. It’s not)
Alien Resurrection
Superman IV
Batman And Robin
Lethal Weapon 4
Fantastic Four
(Not strictly a fourquel but bad enough to be included)

Now, those that were not only good, but actually better than the first three:

So there you have it. Point made. Case rested. QED. Now who’s looking forward to The Hobbit?

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  1. You missed The Madness of King George IV

  2. There are TV Stations devoted to anything Fourful. Channel 4 and rivals BBC FOUR were set up in the memory of The God Fourfather. Popular films are 'Fourest Gump', 'A Tale of Four Cities', 'Four Mules Four Sisters and Sarah', 'A Fistfull of Four Dollars', 'Four Dollars More', probably the best film by Foursome Wells 'The Fourth Man', 'Four Peaks','Four Weddings and Four Funerals' and 'The Manificent Four'.

  3. Fourk me Tony, you've successfully depleted the EU pun mountain to the point where even headline writers for The Sun may struggle.

  4. But what we are all waiting to hear, and surely if anyone can it is The Incredible Suit, is the gorgeous Will Turner going to be gracing our screens? Even I have yet to be told!

  5. Elizabeth, if you find out before me let me know, and I'll do the same. And don't tell Mrs Incredible Suit but I quite fancy you, although you could do with a bit more meat on your bones.

  6. Is there anyone you don't fancy?!

  7. Transformers 4 will successfully buck the four trend.

  8. Star Trek IV was the second best (after II).