Anyway, one of these near-pensionable news items is quite possibly the single greatest piece of information I will ever impart to you, and the other is of such colossal inconsequence that I feel like ringing Pixar just before I fall asleep and then staying on the line for 8 hours, occasionally snoring and possibly mumbling something about arriving at work to discover I’ve forgotten to put any clothes on and all my teeth have fallen out.
See if you can tell which is which:
1. Timothy Dalton, who as we all know is officially the Best James Bond, Like, Ever, is playing a toy hedgehog called Mr Pricklepants in next year’s Toy Story 3. Toy Story 3, for those enjoying an extended stay at the home for the terminally dim, is a sequel to Toy Story 2, Pixar’s second-best film, like, ever.
2. Pixar will release Cars 2 in the summer of 2011. Cars 2, for those undergoing treatment for the inability to comprehend the palpably obvious, is a sequel to Cars, Pixar’s most quality-deficient film, like, ever.Any ideas? Here’s a clue: the good news is in some way related to this clipvert:
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There should be a PIX-AR rating of film classification indicating that adults can only attend if accompanied by a small child. Did you have a small child with you to see Toy Story and Cars? If not, kindly explain why you were in the cinema. Do you still cuddle a teddy bear in bed?
ReplyDeleteI went to see Star Wars: The Clone Wars at a "Kids AM" screening at the cinema but was told I would have to pay extra because I wasn't accompanied by a child. Every time I argued that I was being discriminated against I was told "Yeah but it's a Kids AM".
ReplyDeleteIn the end I killed everyone in the cinema and burned it down, then danced naked on the ashes singing a sea shanty. Made me feel better.
Star Wars is not a kids film. It is a traditional Western with different weapons and politicaly correct baddies with green instead of redskins.
ReplyDeleteWhy in gawd's name would anyone without kids want to go to a cinema full of kids? I'm surpised they didn't arrest you.
ReplyDeleteIt was the only place showing the film, obviously. Anyway they did arrest me, but it was nothing to do with the kids, it was the whole killing / burning / dancing / singing episode. There's no freedom in society any more.
ReplyDelete