Friday, 28 August 2009

Bum-Chinned Corpses

Not entirely unpredictably, you lot have voted for Pulp Fiction as The Greatest Quentin Tarantino Film, Like, Ever. Now Pulp Fiction's OK, but let's not forget that one of its biggest contributions to cinema was the re-activation of John Travolta. Is that something to be proud of? The success of Pulp Fiction gave Travolta the power to do this:

2.3 out of 10 on the Internet Movie Database. That's Tarantino's legacy. Not such a messiah now, is he?

Anyway, this week's poll is about a much more deserving director who's in the news this week (i.e. he was mentioned in The Incredible Suit) and hasn't re-animated any bum-chinned corpses as far as I know; Christopher Nolan. In fact Nolan is in no small part responsible for some of Michael Caine's finest work since the 1960s, so he should at least get an Oscar or a Nobel prize or be made Prime Minister for that. So tell me: What's The Greatest Christopher Nolan Film, Like, Ever?

Now I realise I've been banging on about trailers a lot lately so I thought I'd leave you over the Bank Holiday weekend with a few of my own. They're trailers for forthcoming posts which I've written in advance but haven't got round to posting yet. In the spirit of all trailers I've chopped the posts up into nibble-sized chunklets and strung them together in a haphazard and incomprehensible fashion to make them appear far better than they actually are. I hope they lubricate your juice glands to the point where you're bursting out of your underpants to read the full posts even though you know they'll be crushingly disappointing. So…

Coming soon to The Incredible Suit...

Reconstituted Pork Content
Time and time again I’m asked the same question. Costas the Greek in Shirley Valentine. There was a noisy sex scene in it. Painfully unlistenable. Window washer, nude model and sperm donor. Semi-digested meat expulsions. If Roger Moore had his way.

Playing Havoc With My Midichlorians
An endeavour riddled with an infinity of possibilities. One of those undertakings, the success of which continues to elude mankind. So bad it had Shia Labeouf in it. “Mummy, am I adopted?” TEN BILLION DOLLARS. I don’t even know what to say about these. We’ll draw blood if we have to.

An Incomprehensible Robot And A Massive Hairdo
If I had a time machine I’d go back and do blah blah blah. A load of slushy old chickery flickery. Having her drool all over you like a rabid mastiff. To explain it would be like turning your brain into spaghetti and noodles. A naked woman in the woods. A hammer, some nails and a map of the stars’ homes.

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  1. Nice trailers Mr Suit... made better if you imagine them being read out that gravelly-voiced chap who does them at the fleapit...

  2. I refer the honourable gentleman to the post I made some time ago...