Sunday, 21 August 2011

It's The Return Of That Weekly Trailers Roundup Thing I Used To Do! Remember?

Joel Schumacher's crack at the not-at-all done-to-death home invasion movie at least features Animal Kingdom's Ben Mendelsohn in a porn moustache and Nicolas Cage in the kind of glasses that suggests he will, at some point, stick his thumb in someone's eye socket.

The film that finally blows the lid off one of the cultural world's biggest lies - Thom Yorke never wrote a single Radiohead song. It was Spandau Ballet's Tony Hadley all along! Also, Anonymous is directed by Roland Emmerich so everyone is contractually obliged to make a reference to explosions. I've got first dibs on "Bang Goes The Bard".
Released October 28th 2011

The Woman In Black
Why hasn't D-Rad been allowed to speak in this trailer? Anyone would think he couldn't act or something.
Released February 10th 2012

You know what there aren't enough of these days? Mythological war movies with rousing motivational speeches, unconvincing CGI and unbelievably camp costumes. We really need more of those.
Released November 11th 2011

It's directed by John Singleton and stars Alfred Molina, Jason Isaacs, Sigourney Weaver, Maria Bello and Michael Nyqvist. I wish I could say that that completes the lead cast. I really do.
Released September 28th 2011

Red Tails
I'm fairly sure that this is just a cover up and George Lucas is remaking Star Wars with an entirely black cast to make up for Jar Jar Binks.

I firmly believe that Queen Victoria's Dildo would have been a better title.


  1. Red tails looks worse than an advert for a computer game.
    And do Lily Collins' eyebrows have their own agent?

  2. There could be a trailer of the trailers. I see that The Incredible Suit has already arranged the shot list. See the Trespass by Anonymous of The Lady in Black played by by Lady GaGa one of the Immortals saved from Abduction by 1000volt Red Tails on the vibrating anti Hysteria machine she was using on all the young men standing up to full attention for her latest video cut together with amazing body scanner images selected from the most impressive of the celebrity files sold on the side by the airport security staff who get paid to see you naked as you embark on holiday.