So imagine it's the NINETEEN EIGHTIES and TONY SCOTT has made a MASSIVE DISASTER MOVIE about a RUNAWAY TRAIN carrying TONS of MOLTEN PHENOL whatever that is and it might SMASH into another train full of SCHOOLKIDS and there's an OLD BLACK GUY with THREE WEEKS LEFT at the company and a COCKY YOUNG WHITE DUDE thrown together to STOP THE RUNAWAY TRAIN FULL OF MOLTEN PHENOL and they've both got BROKEN FAMILIES and there's an UNCARING BOSS of the train company and his boss is ON THE GOLF COURSE and every scene is REPEATED by EXCITABLE NEWS CREWS and another OLD MAN tries to stop the RUNAWAY TRAIN FULL OF MOLTEN PHENOL but he EXPLODES in an UNNECESSARILY GIGANTIC FIREBALL OH MY GOD HOW AMAZING!!!
Now remember that it's actually 2010.
I hate 2010 for making me mock Unstoppable.
Important note: I wrote this review last week, since which time another, more cultured blogger coincidentally posted a very similar review (only with a fancy animated .gif because he is a show off). I was going to change it all but a) there's literally no other way to talk about Unstoppable and b) I couldn't be arsed. So don't even start about how I've plagiarised or I'll come over there and drive a train full of molten phenol through your face.