Six films I'll be giving a shit about in

JUPITER ASCENDING

There is no middle ground here: Jupiter Ascending will either be the most bonkersly brilliant film this year or an absolutely colossal, catastrophic cacksplosion which will bring an end to filmmaking for good. Either way it'll be something to talk about on Twitter. (6th)

SELMA

I love civil rights, me. Ruddy love 'em. Give me those civil rights and give them to me now, I need a great big civil rights hit right in my kisser. I don't know why I'm saying this. Selma looks good though. (6th)

COHERENCE

I vaguely recall, months ago, reading something somewhere that said Coherence was worth watching for a very specific reason. Annoyingly I can't remember the reason, or where I read it, but I do remember the title Coherence, and on that basis I'm giving a shit about it. I suppose I could always watch the screener that's in the drawer under my telly, but then I'd have to get up and we all know that ain't happening. (13th)

THE DUKE OF BURGUNDY

The best-smelling film from last year's LFF. Features some excellent undercrackers too. Here's a review if you like reviews about sweet-smelling films about excellent undercrackers. (20th)

IT FOLLOWS

I don't like horror films because I am a massive baby, but I am also a sheep, so when lots of people said It Follows was good I took my massive baby sheep self to see it. They were right. (27th)

WHITE GOD

I did give a shit about this at one time, but then I saw it and I'm afraid to say it's not as shit-giving-worthy as I'd hoped. It is quite mad though so feel free to give it a go. Here's a review I wrote which contains lots of awful dog jokes because I was bored. (27th)