The Week In Trailers

If this is going to become a regular feature, as I'm sure you're all hoping it will, I need to call it something else, because a) it's a shit name, and b) Slashfilm already have the very similar and equally shit "This Week In Trailers". Suggestions please.

Meanwhile, here's The This Week In Trailers!

Brave

No jokes! There are no jokes! Where are the jokes?! I was at least hoping the hero would turn out to be a short fat guy who farts. Damn Pixar and their reluctance to conform to stereotypes.

The Guard

Let me just take this opportunity to say that In Bruges is one of the most overrated films of our time. Too long have I kept that to myself. Too long.

Mission: Impossible - Goat Proctologist

There can't be anyone in the galaxy who isn't looking forward to the fourth instalment in the world's most inaccurately-titled franchise, right? There's been a massive oversight in the marketing of this one though, which I would like to address right now:

War Horse

Literally the most exciting thing about this is that John Williams is doing the music. Here's a sneak peek at his theme song:

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy

I literally cannot find a single thing wrong with this trailer. If this film isn't in my Top 5 by year's end I'll eat my cock.

And it may have taken me nearly a whole day but I finally worked out where the music was from.

The Top 10 Movies Of 2011

Now that 2010 is mercifully behind us and everyone has bored everyone else to tears with infinite lists of varying unimportance, I thought I may as well get in early with my favourite films of 2011.

Now obviously I haven't seen any of these yet, so it's a largely unjustified - not to mention pointless - list, but I firmly believe this is exactly what my favourite films of the year will be come the end of December. If I'm wrong you are all welcome to write a lengthy comment about what a waste of time this post is, although if you're going to do that you may as well say the same about all the other posts and that would be an even bigger waste of time, only yours rather than mine. OH THE IRONY.

And before you go any further I would just like to briefly apologise on behalf of various film studios for not having any official title designs for certain films, rendering this post even more amateur than it already was.

1

Opens August 19th

2

Opens April 22nd

3

Opens April 8th

4

Opens September 16th

5

Opens June 2nd

6

Opens March 11th

7

Opens August 12th

8

Opens July 15th

9

Opens March 18th

10

Opens December 26th

Hmm. It occurs to me that I really am the definitive Empire magazine reader. Anyway, was I right? Come back in twelve months and find out! Or, you know, come back every day. That would be better.