The Golden Globes 2010

So at some point over the weekend everyone in Hollywood simultaneously suffered spinal fractures as the annual backslapping season – sorry, awards season – began with the explasm of self-congratulatory fawnication that is the Golden Globes. For those of you unfamiliar with the Golden Globes, here they are:

Sweet zombie Jesus I detest movie awards ceremonies. If you came here hoping for informed analysis on the winners and losers, outrage that some cackfest won or that something AMAZING didn’t win or a detailed deconstruction of Drew Barrymore’s sodding dress (sadly not a literal deconstruction, this is a family blog) then oh deary me are you in the wrong place.

There are many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many reasons why I hate awards ceremonies, but rather than bring you down with one long rant I thought I’d bring you down with lots of little rantettes.

So between now and whenever the hell it is that this season of agonising despair downs the last dregs of repulsively expensive champagne at the final revolting after-show party, The Incredible Suit will bring you just some of the reasons why it hates movie awards ceremonies with a passion similar to that with which Hollywood loves itself.

Reasons Why The Incredible Suit Hates Movie Awards Ceremonies #1:

Actresses on the red carpet never, ever look where they’re going

I hope you walk into a wall you conceited, vacuous bints!

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