Sweet zombie Jesus I detest movie awards ceremonies. If you came here hoping for informed analysis on the winners and losers, outrage that some cackfest won or that something AMAZING didn’t win or a detailed deconstruction of Drew Barrymore’s sodding dress (sadly not a literal deconstruction, this is a family blog) then oh deary me are you in the wrong place.

There are many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many reasons why I hate awards ceremonies, but rather than bring you down with one long rant I thought I’d bring you down with lots of little rantettes.

So between now and whenever the hell it is that this season of agonising despair downs the last dregs of repulsively expensive champagne at the final revolting after-show party,

**The Incredible Suit**will bring you just some of the reasons why it hates movie awards ceremonies with a passion similar to that with which Hollywood loves itself.

**Reasons Why The Incredible Suit Hates Movie Awards Ceremonies #1:**

Actresses on the red carpet never, ever look where they’re going

I hope you walk into a wall you conceited, vacuous bints!

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Looks like Fergie did already.

ReplyDeleteJust wait until this blog wins an award from some spoddy little website. We'll never hear the last of it....

ReplyDeleteDamn right. I will have my head surgically rotated 90 degrees too so I can look fabulous on the red carpet.

ReplyDeleteBased on your avatar I think it may take more than rotating your head....

ReplyDeleteAnyway, I think you are abusing the wrong people here...it's the fault of the System, and not the actresses. If you are an actress of Hollywood age (ie between 13 and 22) your life is spent under deep scrutiny, which the men don't suffer from - hence the reason why I was subjected to the Alec Baldwin blimp and Chinese Steve (how on earth did he make it into "love interest" category?)

If the women ever look less than shaggable (you would be a better judge of that than me)then they get dumped, never to act again. So, they all have their heads rotated in an attempt to work again. Don't they deserve sympathy and not abuse?

Ms So So Jeans

Is reason #2 Ricky Gervais?

ReplyDeleteYou're right, they do deserve sympathy, the poor multi-millionaire lambs. Except for that dozy mare top left, she deserves a whack for looking like that. If she's trying to look shaggable, she has epically failed.

ReplyDeleteGervais rules.

I'm not defending the multi-millionaire lambs that need a good slap, but even normal women suffer in the stupid system.

ReplyDeleteAnd Chloe Sevigny needs a slap.

And so does Gervais. He believes his own hype.

Oh, and some evidence Avatar is evil :-

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/01/19/avatar_death/

"The China Times reported that the incident represented "the first death linked to watching James Cameron's science-fiction epic". "

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/01/19/avatar_ban/

"Chinese censors have reportedly "banned" sci-fi epic Avatar, amid fears it could provoke civil unrest, the Telegraph reports."

See, knew I was right to avoid it.

Ms So So Jeans