Friday, 21 August 2009

Inglourious Basterds

Well I went to see Inglourious Basterds, and immediately wished I hadn’t. If you like your films filled with vast tracts of dialogue about absolutely nothing, occasionally sprinkled with eruptions of ferocious violence shot with the care and attention of a tender love scene (which is essentially every Quentin Tarantino film), this is for you. It's a bit like sitting through a two and a half hour geography lesson in which the teacher pauses briefly every 30 minutes to lovingly but very noisily stick a fork into a student's eye in a slow motion close up.

Tarantino is clearly at the point where he believes his own press and nobody dares tell him that, you know, perhaps that one scene didn't need to last 20 minutes, and in fact the whole story could have been told in half an hour. Yes, you need time to build tension, but we're only tense because we know it's a Tarantino film and any minute now somebody's going to get their tongue pinned to the bar with a white hot poker and have their stool kicked from under them so they turn themselves inside out before they hit the floor in a quivering pile of viscera. Or something like that.

Inglourious Basterds is only slightly better than Tarantino's last film, Death Proof, because the actors are better. Christoph Waltz stands out as a terrifying SS colonel, although even Shia LaBeouf would be better than enduring Zoe Bell's portrayal of Woody the Woodpecker on top of a wooden shed full of wood in the middle of a wood in Death Proof*. As an actress she makes an excellent stuntwoman. Oh hang on, she is a stuntwoman. Keep your trap shut then and get back on the bonnet of that speeding car!

In other, entirely unrelated news (i.e. it’s about some good films made by a good director), you people have voted for both Alien (correctly) and Thelma & Louise (incorrectly) in equal numbers as the greatest Ridley Scott films, like, ever. Nobody voted for American Gangster, which is a) surprising, as it scored 8 out of 10 on IMDb, and b) unsurprising, because finding anyone who’s actually seen it is harder than finding a good film in a Shia LaBeouf filmography.

This week, go on, tell me what The Greatest Quentin Tarantino Film, Like, Ever is. I was going to throw a Shyamalan and make it What’s The Most Overrated Tarantino Film, Like, Ever, but the answer would be all of them.

The Itchy & Scratchy Show and Quentin Tarantino - The best bloopers are here

*I’m suggesting that she’s wooden

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  1. Pai Mei: "So my pathetic friend... is there anything that you can do well?" I love Kill Bill Vol 2 and have watched it many times on DVD. QT like Woody Allen divides opinion. He's gifted and like Mozart has perfect recall. He shows off, a bit like Mozart standing on his head and playing a fugue on a piano at the same time, yet obviously loves film with a passion. Gargantuan

  2. I like KB2 but KB1 is Tarantino's best film for my money. It's fun, it's fast and it doesn't pause for long. Also the violence is pantomime and cartoony, rather than sadistic like in Basterds, so it's a bit easier to stomach. Dogs and Fiction though are hugely overrated if you ask me!

  3. I'm outraged at your constant belittling!

  4. Shove it up your ass, TheBeef! You raped Indiana Jones!

  5. Well mate, you know, if you are looking for an example of dialogues about absolutely nothing QT is the first screen writer and director you would meet :) i think there are some movies with some great dialogues like Pulp Fiction and Reservoir dogs..try them out!

  6. Very very good article !! I love it. I felt very good and stress free after reading this article. I will also forward this article to my friends also.