Eight films I'll be giving a shit about in October

In the kind of move that would be described as "ill-advised" if only someone had actually advised me to do it in the first place, I've decided to give birth to a new monthly feature. Whether I can keep it up for longer than, ooh, a month, remains to be seen, but here it is anyway: all the films released in the first third of the last quarter of 2014 for which I've got a throbbing lob-on.

October is, of course, London Film Festival month, but that deserves a special tumescence of its own so I'll deal with all that elsewhere. In the meantime, let the blood flow south for the following eight films, and if any of them leave me flaccid I'll be upset and regretful that I ever started this appalling erection metaphor.

GONE GIRL

 

It's David Fincher, so, yeah, obviously. Regardless of the fact that it's fifteen years since he made a film I gave a hoot about, you can't deny his style or balls. I haven't read Gone Girl, but everyone else on the tube has so I think I've absorbed it by osmosis. (3rd)

'71

It's only the second best film of the year so far, so damn right I'll be giving a shit about it. In fact here's a massive shit I already gave about it. (10th)

FURY

Men on a mission? I'm there. Tanks? I'm there. Brad Pitt speaking entirely in trailer-friendly platitudes? I'm there. Shia LaBeouf? Oh sorry I'm busy. (24th)

SERENA

"I never thought I'd find you," breathes Jennifer Lawrence to Bradley Cooper, despite the fact that he's standing somewhere near her in pretty much every film she's ever made. This looks good though, right? At the very least it's got Sean Harris in his second film this month, and that's got to be worth celebrating. (24th)

HORNS

How mad does this look? Pity D-Rads' horns didn't grow from under his eyebrows, then nobody would ever have seen them. (29th)

ZAVID BOWIE IS

I didn't make it to the exhibition at the V&A so I guess this is the next best thing, unless Zavid wants to pop round and give me a personal fashion show. Not sure about the hashtag #DavidBowieIs though; looks a little bit like "David Bowels". (31st)

MR TURNER

I'm a bit scared of this because it's about art and I know nothing about art. But this Turner guy spits on his pictures, making him a dangerous rebel; he's the unorthodox, maverick cop of the art movie genre. Sincerely hope his dog Mr Hooch makes an appearance. (31st)

NIGHTCRAWLER

Come on.

COME ON. (31st)