I don't know who 'popefucker' is but I imagine he or she has some interesting stories to tell at dinner parties.
In a vaguely related plug, fans of stuff that's good may be interested in new releases of some of Charlie Chaplin's finest work, available from tomorrow thanks to Park Circus, who are welcome to send me as many DVDs and/or Tesco Finest Ginger Stem Cookies as they can manage by way of thanks.
As synonymous with Tim Burton films as Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and frustrating disappointment, Danny Elfman is in fact far more versatile than the lalalala lalalala bombom bombom diddlydiddly diddlydiddly he's best known for. For example, dude knows how to accessorise:
He's also fired off scores for stuff like Mission: Impossible, Chicago and Terminator: Salvation, although The Incredible Suit will politely ignore the latter for being disappointingly ordinary. Sozzles Dan.
Anyway these posts are much better inserted into your earpipes than your eyetubes, so The Incredible Suit recommends that you stop reading, get down in the cellar among the cobwebs and spirits of long-dead freaks, and...
One of the biggest problems with the world today is that not many people realise that 2004 indie comedy Napoleon Dynamite is one of literally not many perfect films ever made, by which I mean it's up there with 2001, Vertigo and Raiders Of The Lost Ark. If only people could grasp this simple concept I'm confident we'd see an end to global warfare, terminal diseases and kids on buses playing music out loud, so I see it as my duty to the citizens of Earth to explain why it's such a sublime work of art.
1. The title sequence
FACT: Every meal seen in this sequence is eaten by someone at some point in the film. Beat THAT, "Saul Bass".
2. The cinematography
Napoleon Dynamite is almost entirely shot in static takes to make the most of Munn Powell's lazily gorgeous compositions. If rural Idaho is anything like this I'm not surprised everyone who lives there is a fruitcake.
3. The soundtrack
From Bow Wow Wow's I Want Candy to When In Rome's The Promise via John Swihart's crackers synth score, the soundtrack is all killer, no filler; even Jamiroquai's Canned Heat isn't entirely unwelcome. This track isn't on the album, which is a crime against God:
Patrick Street- Music For A Found Harmonium
4. The script
"Do the chickens have large talons?"
"I like your sleeves. They're real big"
"I caught you a delicious bass"
I try and use at least two of these every day. That's why I'm so phenomenally popular at social gatherings.
5. Jon Heder has never been as good
The Benchwarmers, School For Scoundrels and Blades Of Glory may claim to star Jon Heder, but they're just diet versions of Napoleon Dynamite. I think it's because Napoleon's teeth are Heder's own, the poor bastard.
Fortunately he has one of the best fansites on the whole of the internets, which brings a wholly original meaning to the phrase "Official Fan Club".
6. The actors, costume designers and make-up artists do, like, well good acting, costume designing and make-upping
Sadly I don't know anyone like Napoleon, Pedro, Kip or Uncle Rico, but it's a credit to everyone in Napoleon Dynamite that they're completely believable, perfectly realised characters in the film's universe. In fact it's slightly depressing to see that, apart from Jon Heder, all the actors look like normal human beings in real life.
7. The dance
Films with some kind of rousing musical climax - Back To The Future, School Of Rock, Moulin Rouge!, even Dirty Dancing - really get my froth on, and NapoleonDynamite's "dance"is a painfully liberating expression of friendship, blind self-confidence and absolutely not giving a shit. Sadly it's almost impossible to find on YouTube because it's buried under an avalanche of twats trying to emulate it and completely failing to get the point in the process.
8. The final scene
It's beautiful.
9. They're turning it into a cartoon
This isn't a very good reason why it's perfect but I needed to round it up to ten and it seemed like as good a time as any to mention it. I do hope it's not shittocks.
10. The Incredible Suit
Yes, this is where your favourite movie blog gets its name from. Now please stop asking.
All of which makes it incredibly frustrating that of director Jared Hess' subsequent films, Nacho Libre was complete rubbs and Gentlemen Broncos sunk without trace. The campaign for a sequel starts here!*
It occurs to me that not enough of you are reading Little White Lies, the movie magazine to which it would be a small insult to describe as a movie magazine. You need to sort this out as soon as possible.
You can find out for yourself how good Little White Lies is by popping to any good newsagents (they don't sell it in rubbish ones) and buying the current issue. Here are just five amazing things about it:
Every page is a masterpiece of design so beautiful it makes you weep diamonds.
The first eleven pages contain a review of 2010 that couldn't be a) more accurate or b) more refreshing. This isn't the kind of review of the year you get on rubbish blogs like The Incredible Suit let me tell you.
There are things in the review of the year about 3D and comic book movies that are absolutely bang on.
It doesn't smell very nice. I think that's a deliberate ploy to shut down your sense of smell so your vision is enhanced in order to make the magazine look even better.
I couldn't give a monkey's winnet about Tron: Legacy but the entire magazine is themed around it and it's still amazagoggling. The cover is the work of a genius (specifically, Paul Willoughby) and puts Empire's Tintin issue to shame.
Anyway that's enough free advertising. If you do go and buy Little White Lies because I told you to, please let them know and maybe they'll send me some Tesco Finest Ginger Stem Cookies.
