How To Successfully Remake The Karate Kid For A New Generation In Five Easy Steps

1. Take one film about a bored teenager who discovers love and, with the help of a substitute parent, finds meaning and purpose in life thanks to an occasionally brutal sport, soundtracked by contemporary pop songs and containing a healthy dollop of cheese.

2. Remove the teenage boy and replace him with a teenage girl.

3. Remove the old codger father-figure and replace him with five mother-figures.

4. Add approximately twenty pairs of roller skates.

5. Hey presto! You have a new film about a bored teenager who discovers love and, with the help of substitute parents, finds meaning and purpose in life thanks to an occasionally brutal sport, soundtracked by contemporary pop songs and containing a healthy dollop of cheese.

 

Further Whip It observations:

• Juliette Lewis is now well on the way to becoming a real, actual man
• Andrew "Brother Of Owen And Luke" Wilson is now officially the Wilson brother the others have to beat
• Drew Barrymore is the greatest woman to ever simultaneously wear roller skates and direct a film
• Whip It is very good. Like, 7 out of 10 good

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Wax On, Wax Off

Three reasons why the forthcoming Karate Kid remake wouldn't beat the original if they were to face off at the All Valley Championship:

1. It won’t star Elisabeth Shue, who looked beautiful even while gurning:

2. Daniel-san's moves were easier to do in the playground:

3. You won’t hear this song:



Bonus reason: They're calling it The Kung Fu Kid.

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