LFF 2014:The Imitation Game

Mathematician and cryptanalyst Alan Turing's single greatest achievement (although there were plenty of others) was cracking the German Enigma decoding machine. Did you get the name of that decoding machine? The ENIGMA. It's important you get that. Because guess what? Not only was Turing trying to crack the Enigma... HE WAS AN ENIGMA. I know, right?! But don't worry if you haven't worked out the connection yet, because The Imitation Game spends 114 minutes smashing you over the head with it, to the point where even its title is an anagram of I AM THE ENIGMA, TITO. Although I don't know who or what "TITO" is. I'll be honest, that bit remains an enigma.

Perhaps I'm being unfair. The Imitation Game is, in all honesty, a very decent period drama about a man who deserves to have his story told. Historians suggest that Alan Turing's work on the Enigma shortened World War II by two years and saved 14 million lives. Plus, he secretly worked for MI6: he's basically a James Bond who never left the office. Or blew anything up. And was gay. But it's a stroke of luck he was so, uh... enigmatic, because his own personal secrets and mysteries make him far more suitable for a glossy, polished biopic than any old run-of-the-mill genius. In fact with his insufferable arrogance, reliance on pure logic and inability to fathom the rules of the most basic human interaction despite being a Grade A egghead, he's more than a little reminiscent of another popular screen character of the moment, also brought to life by the very excellent Benedict Cumberbatch.

So we've got all the reasons we need to make a movie about Alan Turing, but how do we make it as entertaining as possible? Writer Graham Moore and director Morten Tyldum have two suggestions: 1) Make it funny, and 2) Make it absurdly dramatic. The Imitation Game is both of these things, and for those reasons is a much more entertaining prospect than its subject matter might suggest to anyone who's never heard of Alan Turing and is terrified at the prospect of a British period drama featuring a bunch of nerdy toffs doing maths in a shed. Turing's Spock-y, borderline Asperger's way of communicating with superiors and colleagues is played largely for LOLs, although - all credit to Tyldum, Cumberbatch and the likes of Charles Dance and Mark Strong - not enough to appear tasteless; as a result, the first act is a surprising chucklefest.

Once the cogs start turning in Moore's excitable script, though, its melodrama becomes both strength and weakness. Simplifying events, manipulating timelines for dramatic convenience and inventing details are all to be expected of a two-hour film that needs to put bums on seats, but The Imitation Game does all these things repeatedly and obviously, even if you don't know the true story. A subplot involving a double agent on Turing's team is so convoluted, and the way they're caught so forehead-slappingly stupid, that it can only be a fabrication - and sure enough, cursory post-viewing research reveals that although the agent existed, there's no evidence that they ever met Alan Turing.

Also the real Turing NEVER invented a machine that produced strawberry laces

What we're left with is an awards-baiting, crowd-pleasing drama about a significant historical event, the true details of which are - like Turing's mental processes - so complex they have to be dumbed down for the rest of us mortals to understand. The Imitation Game is essentially Argo with plummy accents and less facial hair (although in Keira Knightley's character we do have quite an impressive beard) and, like that film, I really quite enjoyed it; I just felt a little dirty afterwards.

Here are three things that happen in Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit that may give you some idea of what kind of film it is

1. The film's opening image is a helicopter shot of a cityscape. A river snakes through the centre of frame. On one side of the river is a large, oblong building, at one end of which is a tall Gothic tower with a clock face on each of its sides, while on the other side is a modern, upright circular structure surrounded by what looks like small pods. But with just these scant visual clues to go on, how are we to know where this mysterious land could possibly be? To what dark and unexplored corner of which alien planet is Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit taking us? Fortunately a caption appears on screen to answer all our burning questions. It simply reads: "LONDON".

2. We're inside a private plane bound from Russia to the United States. On the plane are Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, Kevin Costner: Recruiter Of Shadows and Keira Knightley: Shadow Fiancée, as well as a team of CIA hotshots all sitting at individual computer terminals. Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is attempting to discover the location of an impending terrorist attack, and he does this by shouting garbled instructions very quickly at each CIA hotshot. It's impossible to follow what he's saying, but it goes along these lines:

JACK RYAN: SHADOW RECRUIT

That guy we're after! He did that thing that time in that place! He must therefore be in some other kind of place doing this other kind of thing! CIA hotshot #4, Google that for me!

CIA HOTSHOT #4 Googles.

CIA HOTSHOT #4

(one second later)

Got it!

This exchange is repeated approximately four times in the space of one minute, after which time the exact location of the impending terrorist attack has been pinpointed.

3. Desperate to apprehend a fleeing bad guy in a moment of high tension, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is frustrated by his complete lack of a suitable vehicle with which to give chase. At that precise moment, a colleague conveniently appears on a motorbike, which Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit commandeers. It is the colleague's third scene in the film, and brings his total screen time to about forty-four seconds. His first scene, some seventy minutes earlier, featured him showing off his new motorbike to Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. He does nothing else of any note in the rest of the film.


That's what kind of film Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit is. The choice of whether or not to spend money on going to see it is yours, but it's worth bearing in mind that Patriot Games can be purchased on DVD for under three pounds.

Never Let Me Go

I saw Never Let Me Go at the London Film Festival back in October, and in an oversight almost as bad as the Death Star builders forgetting to fit the Thermal Exhaust Port Anti-Proton Torpedo Cover, I spectacularly failed to write a review at the time, and now I can't remember anything about it.

Fortunately I took copious and detailed notes, so this post won't be a complete disaster after all (shut up).

OK, so what can we deduce from that?

1. Carey Mulligan and Andrew Garfield get two ticks. This either means that they're both very good, or that I was guessing who would be in the film and got them both right.

2. The next line looks like "Knightley not bad but less (tick)". I think I'm making the point that Keira Knightley is not as good as Mulligan or Garfield. I don't know why I bothered to write that down, my Mum could probably have told me that would be the case.

3. The words "slow, mysterious, unease, tragic" lead me to the conclusion that I felt the film had elements of slowness, mysteriousness, uneasiness and tragicness. I bet this is exacty how Barry Norman used to work.

4. I've written a number 7 in a circle in the corner, so I suppose I must have given it 7 out of 10. Alternatively I was working on a new, revolutionary '007' logo to sell to the Broccoli family for millions so I could retire and live the life I so richly deserve.

So there you have it: Never Let Me Go in eleven words, three symbols and a number. Makes you wonder why Robbie Collin gets paid so much.