I saw Never Let Me Go at the London Film Festival back in October, and in an oversight almost as bad as the Death Star builders forgetting to fit the Thermal Exhaust Port Anti-Proton Torpedo Cover, I spectacularly failed to write a review at the time, and now I can't remember anything about it.
Fortunately I took copious and detailed notes, so this post won't be a complete disaster after all (shut up).
OK, so what can we deduce from that?
1. Carey Mulligan and Andrew Garfield get two ticks. This either means that they're both very good, or that I was guessing who would be in the film and got them both right.
2. The next line looks like "Knightley not bad but less (tick)". I think I'm making the point that Keira Knightley is not as good as Mulligan or Garfield. I don't know why I bothered to write that down, my Mum could probably have told me that would be the case.
3. The words "slow, mysterious, unease, tragic" lead me to the conclusion that I felt the film had elements of slowness, mysteriousness, uneasiness and tragicness. I bet this is exacty how Barry Norman used to work.
4. I've written a number 7 in a circle in the corner, so I suppose I must have given it 7 out of 10. Alternatively I was working on a new, revolutionary '007' logo to sell to the Broccoli family for millions so I could retire and live the life I so richly deserve.
So there you have it: Never Let Me Go in eleven words, three symbols and a number. Makes you wonder why Robbie Collin gets paid so much.