The Week In Trailers

In what may or may not become a regular Sunday feature, I thought it might be nice to gather up the week's most interesting new trailers in a dirty old sack, club them over the head, drive them to an abandoned warehouse miles from anywhere where nobody can hear their screams and subject them to the kind of intense scrutiny and personal violation that I hope The Incredible Suit will one day become famous for. Place your bets now on whether or not I keep this up for longer than one week.

Puss In Boots

I'm terribly sorry but, apart from obvious jokes based on a cat doing things cats do, like chasing reflected lights and drinking milk, that's bloody funny. As long as we're not subjected to gags about hairballs, fleas and genital-licking, I predict good things.

A Dangerous Method

CRONENBERG! MORTENSEN! FASSBENDER! CASSEL! Knightley.

Footloose

Come on Gus Van Sant, own up. This is you doing another deliberately wretched shot-for-shot remake of a much-loved classic, right? Phew. For a minute there I thought this was an actual film.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

How can anyone not be excited about a film that posits a world in which monkeys have become so intelligent that they can tell us their favourite brand of cream crackers?

Captain America: The First Avenger

So the transform-o-tron not only turns Tiny Unconvincing CG Chris Evans into Superhero Chris Evans but it also reconfigures his trousers so they still fit him perfectly? That's amazing.

I'm going to call this one now: It won't be very good. Not Green Lantern bad, but not Thor good.

First Images: An Exercise In Polar Opposites

Two upcoming sure-fire blockbusting megabastards have released their first official images this week, and one of them is a very good example of how this kind of thing should be done. And one of them is Footloose.

Craig Brewer, director of the remake nobody asked for (no, not The Thing. Or Brighton Rock. Or The Birds. etc), has released the first still from his version of inexplicably popular '80s Bacon roll Footloose, and frankly it takes the piss like an industrial vacuum cleaner attached to your cock.

Now it's one thing to release the most boring shot from your film as the first 'official' image - even the Harry Potter films aren't afraid of doing that - but it's another thing entirely to just release a photo of that image on your telly, even if it does feature the majesty of The Quaid in full glower.

Of course the real reason behind this is so that when Footloose inevitably sinks like a puppy on Boxing Day, Brewer has the ultimate get-out clause:

The man's clearly a genius.

At the other, dare I say, shitloads better, end of the scale, comes this:

Who remembers that Footloose remake that was supposed to be happening?