Stop what you're doing, it's a new(ish) Patrick Wilson film! Family Jewels is a recently-released straight-to-DVD comedy about a man who loses his testicles in a surprise trumpet attack, and who subsequently becomes the subject of a paternity suit when one of his one-night-stands comes back to haunt him.
It's sweet but sluggish and unexceptional, and when Malcolm McDowell and Cybill Shepherd pop up at the half-hour mark as P-Willy's prospective in-laws you get some idea of what you're in for.
None of which is important. What's important is that production company G2 Pictures, who kindly provided me with a screener DVD, plastered a massive burnt-in timecode across the bottom of the frame, making it somewhat tricky to fully appreciate certain elements of the film: