Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Pesky Consumption

So last night I watched Chicago, which is officially A Great Movie. I don’t generally go a bundle on musicals, although having said that I do like Grease and Singin’ In The Rain a lot and I love Moulin Rouge! as if it were my only child. Maybe I do go a bundle on musicals after all. That’ll teach me to kick off with a rash statement. I must make a mental note to carefully consider my opinions before releasing them into the wild like that. Who knows what might happen?

Funnily enough Chicago has little going for it in my fascist book of what makes a good movie. I can’t stand Catherine Zeta-Jones, Renee Zellweger or Richard Gere and there’s really very little story of which to speak. However it is a musical and therefore its USPs are its songs, and this is where it wins almost all the furry toys at the coconut shy. I say almost because the song "All I Care About", which Gere sings, merely glances the side of one of the coconuts, causing it to wobble slightly but remain firmly in place as if it was suspiciously glued there by the lethargic pikey running the stall who hates the coconut shy and can’t wait to go and take charge of the waltzers where he can hang onto the cars of teenage girls, looking swarthy and making sure they get spun REALLY fast while geeks like me get a cursory shove which serves only to give a less thrilling ride than you might get in a reclining armchair.

"Cell Block Tango" and "We Both Reached For The Gun" are the winners for me; Zellweger looks worryingly sexy dressed as a ventriloquist’s dummy, which may explain all those strange feelings I had watching Keith Harris and Orville all those years ago. As you can see I’ve chosen a very bad picture to illustrate my point. I couldn’t be bothered looking any further than the first page of results when I searched for that shot. Sorry.

There’s also lots of dancing in Chicago, as you might expect, and that’s quite good too, especially in the last number which CZJ and the ‘weger perform together. Sadly CZJ is just a touch too toned and manly while Zellweger is too skinny so I can’t give either of them the special treatment I would give Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge!, that is if she would stop coughing up blood all over the place because of her pesky consumption. I mean it’s hardly a turn-on is it?

Top 5 Musicals, like, ever:

1. Moulin Rouge!
2. Singin’ In The Rain
3. Grease
4. Chicago
5. The Wizard Of Oz


  1. Where's the button for "None of the above: All musicals are beyond shit and should be banned"?

  2. Sorry Milligan... I'd add it in but there have already been literally multiple votes. Next time!
    PS You're wrong

  3. Milligan, I disagree, there are plenty of musicals we have endured that i know you have enjoyed! I just cant think of one right now...

  4. I've thought of a musical that shouldn't be banned! The Corpse Bride!

  5. Anonymous, I must confess to not having seen The Corpse Bride. But I didn't much care for The Nightmare Before Christmas, would I be similarly unmoved? And by the way, feel free to cast aside your anonymity in the name of freedom, truth and an end to my frustration at not knowing who anyone is who visits my blog :-(