Thoughts On Dracula(s)

I recently saw Tod Browning's 1931 version of Dracula at the Hackney Empire, with a live soundtrack performed by Philip Glass and the Kronos Quartet, who sound more like a system of planets in an episode of Flash Gordon than an instrumental ensemble, but I can assure you they are in fact musicians. If they were planets they wouldn't have got through the door.

Philip Glass & The Kronos Quartet: The End Of Dracula


Ignoring for a moment the appalling view from the gallery seats that meant the top of the screen was obscured by the proscenium arch, the abysmal sound quality of the film which left the actors resembling a group of teenagers mumbling into a bean bag, and the volcanic heat of the uppermost reaches of the Hackney Empire on a summer's evening, the film was otherwise brilliant, although it does wrap itself up very suddenly and unsatisfactorily. It's as if the editor spilled his tea all over the last reel and just chucked most of it away hoping nobody would notice.

Glass's music is haunting and beautiful, and although it's already on the Dracula DVD it's amazing to hear it performed live. Or it would have been if the audience had shut their fat faces and stopped laughing all the way through. It's obviously necessary to include an addition to Dracula's title card for modern cinemagoers:

Listen. I will allow you a short, sharp exhalation through the nose the first time you see a rubber bat hanging from a piece of string. And you can smile to yourself once if you think Bela Lugosi's long stares into camera are a bit camp. But that's it. What you are ABSOLUTELY NOT ALLOWED to do is guffaw like a braying donkey every single time the bat appears or Dracula gives you his Blue Steel. It was 1931, alright? Show some respect.

If it's DracuLOLs you're after I would recommend instead Francis Ford Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula, which contains two of the funniest performances of all time in Keanu Reeves' and Winona Ryder's unspeakably miscast English lovers. Their mangling of vowels and complete inability to concentrate on both their acting and their accents simultaneously is exemplary.

Having said that, Bram Stoker's Dracula is much better than I remembered from when I last saw it in 1992, not least in the costume department. Since reading Clothes On Film, the only movie blog better dressed than The Incredible Suit, I'm constantly aware of the clobber on show in films these days. Check out some of the schmutter that won costume designer Eiko Ishioka the Oscar:

I think my favourite outfit is Vlad's ludicrously impractical but bloody stylish suit of armour; although I notice it's since been ripped off for another legendary fictional character.

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The Incredible Suit's 30-Minute Freeze-Frame Challenge #5: The Godfather

OK. First off, all previous 30MFFCs can now be found on the right of this page somewhere. If you're fully cogniscant of the rules of the game then all well and good. If, like me, you don't really understand it, check out the previous entries - but only after saying in a deep, American voice: "Previously on The Incredible Suit's 30-Minute Freeze-Frame Challenge..."

This week's Challenge was the suggestion of Alfred P Tittlewhistle, who I imagine is a tramp who lives behind Waterloo station shouting obscenities and classic film recommendations at passing tourists and commuters. Like The Incredible Suit but without the internet to hide behind.

Anyway it's The Godfather, Francis Ford Coppola's magnum opus about the importance of not forgetting the cannoli. Now I should pause at this moment to point something out: If a film is very long, it's going to have more 30-minute chunks, and therefore more stills in the 30MFFC. And as EVERY still has to impress, longer films stand less chance of passing. Just something to contemplate when suggesting potential test subjects. OK, that said...

0:30:00 Here's Jack Woltz steadfastly, and perhaps ill-advisedly, refusing to give Johnny Fontane a part in his film. His horse is just out of shot, begging him to give the bugger the role. This shot's alright isn't it? God knows what he's wearing though.

1:00:00 Oh dear. Here's Michael visiting his Dad, only to discover that all the guards have suspiciously been given the early off. Unbearably tense scene; boring shot.

1:30:00 Here's the Don being told how the family business is going down the crapper. In the spirit of the rest of The Godfather's cinematography, it's moody, low-key and leaning towards darkness, not unlike the Corleone family. It also shows off Brando's flabby jowls, which is nice.

2:00:00 Here we are in lovely Sicily, where cinematographer Gordon Willis ditches his muted browns and greys for bright, sharp golden sunny delights. And look, there's Michael's great pal Fabrizio wondering how to blow up his boss's wife! Smile for the camera Fabrizio, you're on the 30MFFC!

2:30:00 The Godfather bows out of the 30MFFC in style. Here's Tom watching his Don being buried while Michael's beadies are on the treacherous mafiosi hanging around at his Dad's funeral like flies round a dead horse's head. This shot doesn't just look great but - in context - tells us a coffinload about the characters to boot.

Result:

Sorry Mr Tittlewhistle, but it was pretty much Game Over from the second shot. While The Godfather is exceptionally beautifully shot, especially considering its ugly subject matter, even it can't get past the viciously tough judges of the 30MFFC. Maybe choose something shorter next time people; after all three of these stills might have passed, but the other two let them down with their gloomy corridors and peasants staring at the ground.

So come on, what's next?

"Leave the gun, take the cannoli" by Tim Doyle

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