The 55th BFI London Film Festival Is About to Happen All Over You

This morning saw the cream of the world's film press, and me, cram into the Odeon in London's delightful Leicester Square to be the first to hear the line-up for the 55th BFI London Film Festival.

The primary cause of excitement at events like this is always the presence of delicious, artery-hardening pastries, and this morning's press launch was no exception. Fortunately the Odeon had laid on plenty of supplies, just in case there was a repeat of last year's Croissantgate affair, in which film critic and national treasure Robbie Collin snarfed the last few pastries, angering penniless bloggers hoping for a free breakfast.

I made my way into the cinema to find none other than film critic and national treasure Robbie Collin sitting by himself. I don't know why he'd arrived alone and so early but I could probably hazard a guess.

Proceedings were kicked off by the BFI's Chief Executive, Amanda Nevill. She talked and talked and talked and talked about sponsors and that, but nobody was listening because we were all waiting for the main event: SANDRA HEBRON'S BOOTS.

Eventually the BFI's Artistic Director took to the stage for her final London Film Festival introduction in a magnificent pair of knee-high black FMBs that completely distracted attention from every word she said. You can't see them in this picture but they're permanently etched in a dark and troubled recess of my mind, so that's where you'll need to go to see them in all their shiny, wipe-clean glory.

After far too short a time, Sandra Hebron's boots left the stage, taking Sandra Hebron with them, and a 30-minute clip reel advertised the highlights of the festival. And guess what? It looks amazing.

After the vaguely meh announcements of opening film 360 (now officially pronounced "Three Sixty", FYI) and closing film The Deep Blue Sea, it's good to see that the films that have been clogging up all the other festivals around the world are getting an airing here next month.

Stand by for a long and boring rundown of what I'm looking forward to in the next few days, but the obvious big draws are Clooney/Goslingasm The Ides Of March, silent beauty The Artist (I'VE ALREADY SEEN IT, LOOK AT ME EVERYONE), a cast of alarmingly hot talent (and Keira Knightley) in Cronenberg's A Dangerous Method, Steve McQueen's long-awaited second feature Shame and the Cannes-impressing We Need To Talk About Kevin.

All that remained was to grab my goodie bag and devour the Green & Black's chocolate I'd been looking forward to. Alas, due to a massive administrative balls up, the chocolate had been replaced by this:

Why we might require a clothes peg during the festival is a mystery, although its nose-holding properties may or may not have been in mind when organisers scheduled Madonna's critically-derided W.E. for the festival.

The fun starts on October 12th and ends at about 9pm on the 27th. No fun is permitted after that time.

Friends With Benefits

I reviewed this film elsewhere on the internet and I can't be arsed writing another one here because it isn't worth it.

In short: Avoid, unless a) you've never seen a romantic comedy, or b) you enjoy romantic comedies that are exactly the same as all other romantic comedies but with different people reading the script. And no, you don't get to see Mila Kunis' jumper bumpers.

Ten Things You Could Learn From The Attack The Block DVD

I don't normally do this kind of thing, but seeing as a lovely PR company was kind enough to send me a review copy of Attack The Block on DVD (with strict instructions to return it within 72 hours on pain of death), I thought I may as well let you know the excitement that lies within.

Sadly the excitement within doesn't stretch to any outtakes or deleted scenes such as the infamous one where Adam Buxton surprised Joe Cornish by popping out of an alien costume stark naked, but it does include some thorough behind-the-scenes special features, where you can find answers to the following:

WHICH actor's style with the laydeez is described as "a bit Timmy Mallet"?

WHO wins this eyebrow-off?

WHICH cast member does a frankly amazing Darth Maul impression when handed a large stick?

WHOSE stunt double (described by the actor as "a bit racialist") is this?

WHICH daytime TV show is actor John Boyega set to host?

HOW convincing does Joe Cornish sound reading Dimples' immortal line: "You shove that thing in my face and them fangs are going up in your tits"?

HOW good would this cut scene have been?

WHICH cast member is a professional Elvis impersonator?

WHAT does Luke Treadaway look like with a porn star moustache?

WHICH director is about to get flamed on innumerable internet forums for suggesting that Silver Surfer was in an X-Men film?

All this and more, not to mention one of 2011's best films, can be found on the Attack The Block DVD or Blu-Ray, available at all good (and several bad) stockists from Monday September 19th.

Now that's the kind of free publicity that deserves an Attack The Block hoodie at the very least. Right?

TrollHunter

Since The Blair Witch Project in 1999, the "found-footage" sub-genre has been testing audiences' patience and motion sickness tolerance on a regular basis, occasionally throwing up successes like Cloverfield, Paranormal Activity and - to some extent - District 9, but more often resulting in low-budget horror dross that nobody saw. How many from Wikipedia's by-no-means-exhaustive list have you seen? That's a rhetorical question by the way, I'm not really interested. The point is that if you're going to make a film using handheld cameras with an improbably long battery life and captions describing how the footage was discovered, it had better be something special.

Now Norway's getting in on the act with the interword-separation-ignoring TrollHunter, the "story" of three students who head off into the woods with a camera and a sound kit and blah blah trolls blah blah grizzled hunter blah blah not entirely successful.

TrollHunter is admirable for its imaginative creature design and cheap-but-effective visual and sound effects, as well as for its combination of traditional Norse mythology and modern-day sciencey stuff, but its failures outweigh its successes like a [insert comparative metaphor about massive trolls and tiny people or something later].

On more than one occasion it breaks the fundamental rules of found-footage films: at one point the sound girl and her equipment get left behind but we can still hear what's going on with the rest of the group on screen, and there are several shots of the exterior of a vehicle which the cameraman is supposed to be inside. But these are minor niggles compared to the lack of anything resembling an interesting character.

Apart from a frustratingly short moment when a potentially interesting history between the troll hunter and a vet is hinted at, there's nothing about any of the characters to make us give a shit whether or not they get squished, eaten or used as troll t-roll. When your comedy-horror isn't that funny or scary, and you can only afford three set-pieces, then you need the characters to maintain the interest, and if they fail to do that then

STAND BY FOR PUN-SHAPED VERDICT 

I'm afraid it's more of a case of "Fee Fi Ho Hum".

On the plus side, the film's best moment is available as a ringtone from the official website, so that's, um... good?

Saturday Playlist #31: James Horner

James "Horny" Horner spent two years of his life on the score for Avatar, often working from four in the morning till ten at night. He didn't work on any other films during that time, even though he famously produced six scores during 1995. The Avatar experience mentally and physically drained him to the point where he's still undecided about whether or not he's going to score the sequels.

By way of recognition, Horner's Avatar score was nominated for an Oscar, a Golden Globe, a BAFTA and a Grammy. It lost every single one of those to Michael Giacchino's score for Up.

Still, you've got to laugh.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO

SATURDAY PLAYLIST #31:

JAMES HORNER

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I could probably get this in a higher resolution, but I don't think that would be in anyone's best interests.

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