Monday 24 February 2014

Anchorman 2 to be re-released with jokes

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News has reached The Incredible Suit that Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues is due to receive a re-release in cinemas this weekend, this time with jokes. The film was originally released in December, but in a bold move for a comedy, writers Will Ferrell and Adam McKay chose not to put anything funny in it, instead relying on shouting and colossal idiocy to evoke laughter from an audience so in love with the original that they would watch literally anything with Ferrell sporting a bushy moustache, even a series of equally joke-free car commercials.

Asked whether the new version's jokes would be carefully crafted by skilled comedians, as is usually the case in comedic movies, one of the film's creators told us: "Unlikely. We just tend to yell as many non-sequiturs as we can think of at each other until the crew goes home, then we pick one at random and stick it in the film. In theory we could make about eighty versions, each with a different script, each as hilarious as each other." The re-release has garnered an 'R' rating in the US, indicating that the comedy goldmine that is swearing has been plundered for its guaranteed hilarity value.

Rumours that the new version of Anchorman 2 will also excise the entirely unnecessary and laughless act in which Ron Burgundy goes temporarily blind, consequently alienating and reconnecting with his friends for approximately the fourth time in the franchise, are currently unfounded. It is understood, however, that the "news team fight" sequence has been extended even further, now running at a full hour and including cameos from whichever actors happened to be passing the studio, because there is nothing not funny about taking the first film's best gag and flogging it until it bleeds.

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