Tuesday, 1 November 2011

BlogalongaMuppets #2: Beaker Reviews The Great Muppet Caper

Sup bitches? Beaker here with another BlogalongafuckingMuppets. I'm a bit late with this - it was supposed to be done in October but I was hanging out at the London Fucking Film Festival watching boring European arthouse shit and boring fucking bollocks about Shakespeare, so tough shit.

Our second film, The Great Muppet Caper, is shitloads better than the first, whatever that was called, The Muppets Sing The World's Shittest Songs or something, I don't know. It's got Charles Grodin in it for a start, the slick motherfucker. He had to pretend to want to stick his cock in a felt pig, and if that's not acting I don't know what is. Also, HELLO, DAME DIANA FUCKING RIGG. That bitch was HAWT. I went to her trailer once and tried to point out the similarity between my head and a nice fat cock, but she was too much of a lady to take the point.

Posh pussy aside, Caper has at least got some decent fucking songs for a change and is actually funny, even though nobody swears. Which is all very well, but there is a big fat fucker of a problem. See if you can guess what it is from these three stills chosen completely at random:
Yep, that's right, guess who's Johnny-Edge-Of-Fucking-Frame-Or-Obscured-By-Bald-Bastard again? That's right, yours twatting truly. I've got a degree in science or some shit, but apparently that's not as good as being a singing fucking frog or a bear whose catchphrase is "wacka wacka". I fucking ask you. Oh don't worry, I get my big scene all right - here I am getting my bollocks electrocuted for the sake of a gag:
Note the heartfelt fucking concern about my wellbeing pouring out from all my great friends there. Oh no, hang on, THEY'RE ALL PISSING THEMSELVES. I swear if Professor Bunsen had eyes I would scoop them out with a trowel.

Right, so that's two down, five to go. I hope you're as thrilled about the next one as I am.


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